4:00 AM: Wake up.

4:05 AM: Wake up my owner by sharpening claws on the bed sheets.

4:30 AM: Pester my owner until she gives me food.

5:00 AM: Groom self in the bathroom doorway.

5:30 AM: Lay on my owner’s work uniform until it drives her up the wall. Then begin daily mischief.

6:00 AM: Go outside via the cat door.

6:05 AM: Do my “business” in my owner’s flowerbed.

6:15 AM: Tease neighbor’s dog.

6:30 AM: Go back inside and nap some more.

8:30 AM: Eat some more.

9:00 AM: Pee on the linoleum right beside the litter box.

9:05 AM: Drink out of the toilet (make sure water is clean!)

9:30 AM: Sleep more.

11:30 AM: Rub bottom all over the sofa.

12:00 PM: Go insane with the catnip ball

1:00 PM: Upchuck on my owner’s Oriental rug. Drag a sock over it afterwards!

1:30 PM: Raid the treat jar (It’s not my fault she left it open!)

2:00 PM: Climb the drapes.

3:00 PM: Go outside and catch a mouse or a bird. Leave it on the doormat.

4:00 PM: Chew on some grass.

4:30 PM: Go back in and sleep some more.

5:00 PM: My owner is home by now. Do figure-eights around her legs while she’s trying to fix dinner. If she trips, just sit there and look cute.

6:00 PM: Jump up on the dining table and snatch a small morsel of food. Dart off into another room. If I do not like the food, go and put in one of my owner’s shoes.

6:30 PM: Dinner is usually over by this time. When my owner sits down to relax and read on the sofa, get up in her face. Turn around and present my butt to her. She loves this.

7:00 PM: Dart in front of my owner. Try to do it when she’s coming down the stairs or as she’s going down a dark hallway.

7:30 PM: Put little hunks of dry cat food on the linoleum. My owner likes it when she gets dry cat food between her toes!

8:00 PM: Lay across my owner’s keyboard until she has to pick me up and drop me onto the floor.

9:00 PM: The night is still young, and my owner doesn't go to bed until eleven o’ clock! Pretend to have an endless supply of energy until my owner tries to play with me.

10:00 PM: My owner is now taking her shower. While she’s doing that, get on her bed and refuse to get off.

11:00 PM: When my owner goes to sleep, go outside again and hop up on the neighbor’s backyard fence. Make the dog bark. Repeat this process until several other dogs in the neighborhood (the ones that are chained up in the yards) are going psycho. Then go back inside.

12:00 AM: Sleep some more.

2:00 AM: Roll the little jingly catnip balls down the stairs and across the carpet. Make sure to make as much noise as possible.

3:00 AM: Get in bed with my owner and go to sleep for the night.

Copyright © Jessica B. Tinch
July 20, 2003