Hi folks,

On another newsgroup, a person wanted to know how to set out a "proper scientific paper". After explaining to them that a scientific paper is just about the facts - its not designed to entertain the reader, or elicit an emotional response, I thought it would be good if I wrote him/her a "sample" paper. Now that I have written it, I'm not sure I should post it there. I also know that I'm *addicted* to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes - just look at what I wrote!

(NOTE: I *do not* advocate animal cruelty. This is *making fun* of the style scientific papers are written in. I don't mean it! Flames will be used to cook marshmallows and nothing more (ie., don't tell me off, I'm joking!))

Yowie

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I thought I'd help you out with a sample scientific paper.

Suppose you had heard that "cats always land on their feet", and you wanted to know if that statement was true. A short example of the report would be:

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"THE LANDING POSITION OF CATS AFTER A PERIOD OF FREE-FALL",
By John Doe, 1999.

BACKGROUND:
The author has observed that their own domestic cat is capable of leaping from a second story window without suffering any apparent injury. It was asserted[1] that it was common knowledge that all cats land on their feet, with the implication that all cats land on their feet at all times, despite the length of the drop, the condition of the cat, and the effect of any other variables. The author doubted the validity of the assertion.

AIM:
To determine whether the axiom "cats always land on their feet" is true in all cases.

METHOD:
Four platforms of various heights were built and various apparently healthy[2] cats were pushed off the end of the platform by the author. The heights of the platforms were measured by tape measure to an accuracy of 0.01 metres. A dead cat was also dropped from an aeroplane with an altitude of approximately 30,000 feet[3].

Table 1

Cat	Heights Dropped
Blackie	0.20 metres
Miaow	1.64 metres
Puss	0.65 metres
Noggin	0.45 metres
Dead	30,000 feet

RESULTS:
The landing position of the cats is set out in Table 2. The cats behaviour and apparent health are set out in Table 3.

Table 2

Cat	Landing position
Blackie	On feet.
Miaow	On feet.
Puss	On feet.
Noggin	On feet.
Dead	Unable to locate after drop.

Table 3

Cat	Observations After Impact
Blackie	No apparent injuries. Went to sleep 12 minutes after impact.
Miaow	Ran away directly after impact. Unable to examine.
Puss	No apparent injuries. Went to food bowl.
Noggin	No apparent injuries. Groomed for 8 minutes.
Dead	N/A

CONCLUSIONS:
From the results set out in Table 2, the axiom "cats always land on their feet" has not been disproved. It is suspected that had the author been able to locate the cat referred to as "Dead" the axiom would have been disproved. The above experiment was not repeated as the cat referred to as "Miaow" rapidly disappeared after landing, and the cost of repeating the flight to achieve a height of approximately thirty thousand feet is prohibitive. However, it seems likely that all cats that land on their feet do not suffer apparent injuries. The author is hopeful that this premise will be strengthened after the eventual examination of "Miaow". Investigation on the hypothesis "Cats that land on their feet do not suffer injuries" will be examined at a later date.

REFERENCES:
[1] Jane Doe, the Author's Mother
[2] As determined by the Author by a brief observation of their behaviour and a cursory patting (as the cat in question allowed)
[3] As observed by the somewhat concerned pilot, John Doe Sr.

Copyright © Vicky Chapman
February 24, 1999