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Being a single male, I just happened to be listening to my cat asking for breakfast this morning. Never mind that the food bowl was full of the crunchy food.Anyway, I thought of all the things my cats have taught me over the years. And I think I'll list some of them.
Bad Habits I've Been Taught By My Cat
- There is nothing wrong with slurping milk where ever it is: spilled on the countertop, from the leftovers in the cereal bowl, or straight from the jug.
- You can never get enough sleep, particularly during the day.
- The time to be fully awake is after 10 PM.
- It doesn't matter what position the toilet seat is left up in. (As long as it doesn't fall on you!)
- If you get some bits of food on you, just lick them off.
- Meat and tuna are the best things to eat, particularly straight out of the can.
- Avoid baths whenever possible.
- Trim your nails by scratching something, particularly furniture.
- Always get others to do all the work. Your job is to watch.
- Even if you don't believe in killing animals, stalking and pouncing is fun. Better yet, bring home one of those lesser animals just to play with. (Why else do some guys have dogs?)
- Bugs in the house are no big problem. If you have to, just swat at them a couple of times.
- What's the problem with shedding hair?
- A visit to the medical profession never means good news. Complain all the way getting there. Be quiet while there.
- If someone asks you to do something, act as if you can't hear them.
- Always lounge in the best seat in the house, and in a position such that no one else can sit there.
- Don't ask for attention, demand it.
- There is nothing wrong with getting on top of chairs, tables, the countertop, the car, the bookcase, etc. Never mind the muddy prints.
- Vacuum cleaners are monsters. Avoid them.
- Never turn down an opportunity to eat. Always demand 'the good stuff'. Ignore anything less.
and finally...
- When it comes to paperwork like bills, taxes, etc: Sit on it.
Copyright © Brian Armstrong
February 29, 2000
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