• Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the computer.

• Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

• Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

• Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as if thou are transparent.

• Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

• Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

• Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

• Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.

• Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed doors.

• Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

• Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thee will fall in and trap thyself.

• Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.

• Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4:00AM.

• Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.

• Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they art walking too slow.

• Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

• Thou shalt remember that thou art a carnivore and that houseplants art not meat.

• Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

Author Unknown

1. Thou shall play with thy humans mouse... lets them know YOU are more important then that dumb machine.

2. Thou shall unplug the machine, modem, etc., if they human does not take the hint.

3. Thou shall know that toilet paper is a cheap toy your human buys just for you...so jump it, roll in it and tear it to itty bitty bits.

4. Thou shall monitor all activity of the television and computer monitor for thy persons sake. After all, who knows when some monster only cats can see may go after them... they should thank you. It's also warm near the TV and computer monitor.

5. Vomiting from atop the Refrigerator allows your human to see you are ill... there is much discussion of this, some cats prefer not to allow their people to know they are ill, and choose to do this in hidden spots. For some reason the humans always find out any way though.

6. Walk in and greet guests of your human. Do not be shy about cleansing yourself... let them know how clean you are...even cleaning your posterior.

7. Give your human the option of smelling your posterior...so they know you see them as an equal... honoring them as a cat.

8. Let your human know you love to play, especially when they are in bed..it is good exercise for them.

9. Beware of closed doors. Should you run into one at great speed, always remember you are a feline... and with pride, act as if you meant to do this.

10. If your human appears to need more sleep... walk on the alarm clock...they can always work extra... but needed sleep is important.

11. Beware of garbage cans with hinged lids... they are tricky creatures that love to catch cats. Instead of jumping upon them and falling in to the can, knock the can over. If it is to big... see if a near by dog will help... dogs love to do this with little urging from cats, and they can then also take the blame.

12. Make certain the toilet seat lid is down before jumping upon it... otherwise you get wet.

13. Jump on your human often at 4:00AM, in this way you can see if their bladder is full, and they can realize if they need to go to the bathroom. Ignore their protests... you are doing this to help them prevent kidney disease.

14. If your human needs to exercise... run out the front door, stopping enough for them to go out and chase you. Let this continue until they have had enough exercise... then walk back and ask to be let into the house. The loud noises they make when they let you in, are really their way of thanking you.

15. Remember humans are slow... and beware least they trip upon you... if they fall, they are VERY heavy.

16. If there are guests in the bathroom... push open the door and go in and welcome them.

17. Even though you are a carnivore, a bit of salad goes well with your meat, find which house plants go best with each type of cat food.

18. Thou must forgive thy human when they scold you... they know not what they do.

Copyright © Jeanannd and Jane
January 24, 2000