It seems I work with a haven of Cat-Haters. I work in the office of a large aerospace company, and we all have cubicles. A maze of them. My cubicle is adorned with the requisite pictures of aircraft, and aircraft engines. But you might guess that's not the only thing of interest on my walls.

Cats. Very large posters of wildcats depicted in various aggressive stances. There is also a picture of "CC", the little cloned kitten.

However, a few cubicle "streets" over, and to the west a bit is the cubicle of an engineer with quite different things hung up. A bumper sticker that states "Lost your cat? Look under my tires!", and several silly comics about dogs and others abusing cats. One in particular, bordering on the point of not being funny in any light. A squished cat. Cruelty.

I have always had cordial relations with this humorous man, thought of him as the friendly type. So I shot him an email, "So Moe, I take it you don't like cats then." and received in return, something to the effect of "NO!" (I won't go into details in this family-oriented format.)

So I sent one back. "If your family ever finds YOU missing, tell them to look under MY tires!"

Which he promptly forwarded to his boss. I ended up being called into a closed door meeting by two bosses, and was told Moe was very upset with this, and I was told to stop bothering him. I couldn't believe it. Called on the carpet over a statement of position. This guy no longer talks to me. One can feel the animosity coming through the air like a distress signal. Cat-Hater number one, first class.

Cat-Hater number two... The woman I work next door to moved in with a man who had two male cats. The cats didn't like her from the get go, and guess what? Cat Pee and chiffon dresses do not mix. It was her or the cats. Goodbye cats, off to the kill shelter. Obviously, the guy is an idiot, too. I know WHO would be leaving.

So to get back at Cat-Hater number two, I had to show her the latest pictures of my clan. It went thusly...

On a Friday afternoon, I swished in with a package of photographs. She is always keen to look at others photos, to the point of being nosey. She was going to see all 36 of these, by golly. There is a human, me, in one picture. Guess who are in the rest?

She remarked how much Bella (5 lbs) looks like Cleo (14 lbs). I guess all black and white cats look the same to her. Next came a shot of Tippy... "he is beautiful, but ever so large!" (6 lbs). I explain the "plumpness" as him being a long haired cat. "Eew! long hair! but doesn't it get everywhere?". No. But why explain? Both are too young to shed, and they are kept well groomed.

Next comes Cleo and Velvet, Cleo in the cat tree, Velvet laying on her back, snoring on the couch. "Well, what a nice apartment you have!... Is that a real fern"? To top it off, when I came to show her the shots, just to annoy her, I told her I wanted to show her some "baby pictures". She thought I was cracked!

Upon leaving of an evening, I notice cat hairs subtly beginning to accumulate in these peoples offices... Strange.

Copyright © Bill Mason
March 29, 2002