Hello! I'm the human who has been trapped here for mmmmm, I don't know how long now. I have three cat owners named Missy, Simba and Patches. Missy, the oldest female thinks she owns the house. She only lives on what they 'let me' sleep on at night - called 'the bed'. She owns the entire bed all day long, trying to figure out what is the most comfortable way to sleep.

Simba, the huge cat, and bully of the house, owns every piece of food in the house. He demands food that is to his liking, and will bite me if it is not 'good enough' or he's hungry. (Bully, see.) He must weigh in at 15 lbs. or so. After scarring everything at windows length, which is funny because he becomes a scare-dee cat at loud noises. He does have a nice side, though, when it's cold at night, he wants to cuddle to stay warm. But, he will demand I soon get my "own" office chair! This one is his, and I better not ever get out or he will take it over the moment I get away.

Patches, seems to be the youngest with an attitude for playing. She knows she's a beauty, with all those multi-color markings. I dare not touch her and mess up her hours of grooming!! But, she insists that beauty sleep is best during an all day event, and 'curfew' must be and old human tale. As soon as the witching hours of 1:30 am come, she's all a glow. She comes screaming, literally, "Where are you??.... Hello?.....Where's the party at?....I wanna play!!" And, since 'no one' understands but her human-to-play-with, I must 'get up'! And, the consequences of not getting up?? Loud scratching on any door available - until someone comes to get her and play!

Now, I do mean to sound trapped in this cat hell, but, sometimes I think, what would a normal life be like?? Let's see.... No cat to push you out of bed in the morning. Hmm? No company like a bully to demand things all day long to steer your life...as IF I did have a life of my own. Hmm? And, the night life? Hmmm hee hee. What would nights be like without parties and playing?? Hmmm.....

Well, if anyone dare come rescue me... I'll be the human with some scratches on the arms. I tried getting out once, and they must have hypnotized me.. .because it wasn't long I was thinking of buying more food and cat litter! And, that meant thinking - about them!!! Aaagh... send a gun or a doctor (or vet), I think I'm a cat owned human !!!

Copyright © Laura Sweat
February 20, 2001