- Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
- Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
- Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
- Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
- Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
- Law of Cat Gravitation
A cat's gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.
- Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Invisibility
Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.
- Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
- Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
- Law of Cat Mass
The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up.
- Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
- Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered.
- Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle)
It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.
- Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Washing
A cat will wash itself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.
- Law of Concentration of Mass
A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.
- Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
- Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
- Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.
- Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
- Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
- Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
- Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
- Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
- Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
- Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
- Law of Selective Listening
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.
- Law of Space-time Continuum
Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
Copyright © G. Phillips, 1998-2014. All rights reserved.