The last month has been very stressful. Work has taken up almost my entire life, We've had both staff cuts and orders to step up our work load. I don't know how they expect 50% of the staff to do 200% of the work, but they do, and I've been working solid 12 hour days for what seems like a lifetime. My lunch hours, the only break in the day where I can get away from the labs have been shortened to the regulation 20 minutes, which gives me just enough time to get to the canteen, buy the food, chow down and get back to work. All other parts of my "life" have been on suspension, waiting for me to get my breath. The phone calls & bill payments that I used to organise in my lunch break just haven't got done, and although the jackals aren't quite at the door yet, my letterbox is being bombarded by those polite "reminder" notices.

I come home from work exhausted and cranky, thanking Joel and God that the cat has already been fed, I eat, and then I sort of pour myself into bed. Theres been no time for TV, reading the NGs, or even spending much time with either Joel or Shmoggleberry. Weekends are a whirr of shopping, cleaning, catching up on sleep and the paper work I don't have time to fill out at work. I hate it when my life is on hold, and I find myself getting increasingly stressed and frustrated at the lack of time I have to spend on me and what *I* want to do.

This weekend I threw down the gauntlet, or spat the dummy, depending on which way you want to interpret it. No housework would be done by me. No shopping would be done by me. No other niggly "life" chores such as paying bills and balancing bank accounts would be done by me. To hell with it. This was going to be *my* weekend and the rest of the world can go and jump.

Joel, realising that I was going to be very grumpy at him this weekend, wisely chose to spend to day "with the boys". They are actually a good crowd and will keep him occupied, and more importantly, out of my rampaging moods. Its a good thing for the both of us. He gets out of the house, and I get a day to myself.

Most of the time was spent catching up with the Newsgroups – stacks and stacks of messages can accrue within a week, and I've ploughed through them all. I managed to crochet a bit, something I particularly like doing, and I've been listening to my 80's music all day. Joel's musical tastes are firmly in the 90's black-American gangsta-rap thing, while I like the Spandau Ballets and Real Lifes of early 80's New Romantic era. Shmoggleberry has been at my side the whole time, in fact I woke up with him on the bed, so I also decided I'd spend some quality Joel-free time with the cat. Its nice to be able to pet and scritch the cat without Joel getting jealous, and for the cat not to get jealous of Joel and take it out on the furniture.

It got dark, and after doing all my other solitary activities, I thought I'd try the TV. There was nothing on. I got the strange idea that I've never seen this new house of mine *dark*. I always keep one light on all night, as I have terrible fears of tripping over something (most likely Shmoggleberry) if I get up for any reason. So I turned off all the lights and saw...darkness. Darkness that I haven't seen for a very long time, as every previous place I've lived in has had a significant amount of light coming from the street lights outside. This was very dark, comparatively.

I thought some candlelight would be nice, so I got out three of my "tea light" candles that I usually use for my oil burner and placed them on the cleared dining room table (the dining table is the general resting place for things that don't otherwise have a place to be put). I lit them and just stared for a while, appreciating the quiet, and the magic of candlelight. Then Shmoggleberry jumped up on my lap, then on the table. He sat down, and I put my arms around him, like a loose hug. I gave him a gentle pet and he started purr, very loudly. He curled up, put his head on my left arm, and tucked his nose into my right hand. All I could hear in the darkened, and otherwise hushed house was his regular, almost melodious purr, and his occasional snuffly snore.

Candlelight enhances everything and I could see every strand of his fur in sharp contrast, the way they point down the lower half of his nose, but change direction half way and then point toward his head. I could see the vague tabby stripes he has on his head, and the stiffer bristles in his ears. While talking to him softly, he raised his head, and his eyes glistened when he looked up with love in them. I could feel us speaking to each other in a way we haven't done for a long time, through the language of our hearts. Soft, simple thoughts that mean so much more than words. We stayed like that for ages, and only when the phone rang did I realise he'd been gentle and loving enough to let me fall asleep and rest my head on his haunches. Shmoggleberry is so much part of my heart, and I had no idea exactly how much I needed him through this turmoil until he showed me yet again what he really does understand exactly what I need, even if I don't. No doubt he'll back to his mischievous self tomorrow, but spending today with him has been nothing less than magical.

Copyright © Vicky Chapman
July 10, 1999