My Dearest Miss Chloe,

I think about you day and night. The Mouser is at sea and it means nothing to me without you by my side. My first mate, Smokey, is dealing with most of the minutiae of the ship and this leaves me to think of you and imagine your soft sweet fur against my side. I hear your silver voice singing in my ears and I immerse my nose in the memory of your scent.

The fat wench says that she will make us a large red crushed velvet bed cushion for our wedding. Something that we can share together as we gaze out at the sea through one of the port holes in (dare I say it?) our cabin. She has already made us nip snakes, bought us a couple of special bowls of our own to eat our gooshy food out of, and stock piled cases of fancy feast and 9 Lives for our consumption.

Please, please, please tell me that you'll join me in furry matrimony. Say that you'll let me be your tim cat, and that you'll be my queen. I ask you again. Miss Chloe, will you join me in wedded bliss by marrying me on FranknNikki Island on June 21st? Or will I be jilted, left at the altar in the faces of all our friends and members of the Rainbow Bridge who will be there as well?

Desperate,
Cap'n Pine Cone esq.

Dear Diary,

I am sooo confused, I just don’t know what to do. I just never saw myself as the marrying type, and yet, Pine Cone, my beloved, has proposed to me, and demands an answer by the 21st of June. Oh Diary, I just don’t know what to tell him. He’s a very sweet boycat and I have no wish to break his heart (nor mine) and yet… How can I accept his proposal?

As you know, Diary dear, there is no other in my life at the moment, but how is anycat supposed to know whether their current suitor is their One And Onlycat? What if becoming wink winks is a huge mistake? Will we end up hating each other and living a life of misery?

And yet, its Pine Cone… my heart purrs for him, my coat shines, my whiskers quiver at the mere thought of him, and I yowl with anguish at the thought of losing him. Will rejecting his romantic proposal mean that he will leave me? Or will accepting marriage be too much against my principles to work?

Oh, dear Diary, I am beside myself with worry. How am I to decide before the 21st? Please, help me.

C.

Dear Miss Chloe,

From a human's perspective and as the human who feeds Pine Cone, I can offer this advice.

Can you imagine life without him? If so, the answer to give him is no. If you cannot imagine life without having PC in it, accept the offer. Pine Cone insisted on red crushed velvet for your cushion. He says that a bright red would set your fur off to perfection. He really is a considerate gentlecat.

Hey Chloe, Doll face, let me clue ya in. Love is just a passin fancy, once the kids start coming its all over. No time for the MAN, ya know... all that clean and lickin and fussin, it aint dis kits cup of cream! I've been around, spread love, thats my motto. Oh, oh here comes the gal that thinks she owns me, the cats meow, I give her a nudge to keep her happy. hey, what am I doing in the cage???????????WE"RE GOIN WHERE??????????? A Fix?????? whats a fix??????? gotta go, the Man, Andy Pandy, slam bam, thank ya mam ................... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyoooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwllllllllllllll

Dear Chloe,

While I certainly can understand your concerns I can also assure you that there is nothing quite as fulfilling and satisfying as being winked to your One True Love, having someone to curl up with on a cold, cold day, having someone with whom you can share your deepest purrs and dreams. If you can truthfully tell yourself that your life would be perfectly satisfying without the good Pine Cone sharing it, then you may wish to consider refusing his tender offer. If, however, you can only imagine a Pine Cone-less life as being empty and void, then I strongly urge you to consider accepting his proposal. I know that if I had not entered into the institution of winkedness with TV my life would be empty and dreary.

Cleopatra Silvercat

Captain Pine Cone stood by the table in his cabin looking sadly at the red crushed velvet pillow and the selection of matching collars that rested beside it. Today would have been his and Miss Chloe's wedding day, had she consented to join him in that happy state. Instead he'd repeated his proposal several times, re-named Dog Island in her honor, and offered to give up his beloved ship in order to stay with his other, love, his ladycat.

It had been a fast and wild ride from Chloe Island to FranknNikki Island off the coast of Finland. Constant lookout for the dread pirate Fifi had been in effect and the ship's troops had been kept in a state of high alert in case the perilous pooch had found them. After the ceremony in honor of those at the bridge and a proper time for mourning, The Mouser would go forth to meet Fifi's ship, The Growler. The troops were all ready and the non-combatant cats would stay on the island until the battle was done. Then they would either ghost back to the ship or to their own homes, if the battle went against the stalwart crew.

I don't care what the others say, Pine Cone thought. I'll marry Chloe any time or place that she asks me to. I just want to be with her always. I'll even leave the ship if she asks it of me. I love her no matter what.

Someone thumped against the cabin door. "Yes, come in," Pine Cone meowed. Errol cautiously peeked through the cabin door.

"Cap'n," he squeaked. "The crew is ready for you. Persia has made a feast and First Mate Barnabus has the book ready for you to read the purrs for the bridge."

"I'll be right there," Pine Cone meowed. He straightened his collar and licked a stray piece of fur back into place. His heart was heavy, but a captain's time was not his own and his crew needed him. He followed Errol out the cat door in his cabin. Behind him an assortment of collars and a red crushed velvet pillow bore mute witness of the pain in the young cat's heart.

Respectfully submitted by The Mouser
Pam S. recording

Human note: I am not allowed to describe the feline ceremonies for those at the bridge. It involves a circle of cats, intertwined tails and lots of yow- oops singing. I watched it last year and could actually see shadows of cats who'd gone to the bridge. For some strange reason, it comforts me.

Dear Diary,

My poor Pine Cone! I stood hom up at the altar. My poor, poor love. My heart is sad because he is sad, I cry because he cries, I yowl because he yowls. But what was I supposed to do? I love him with all my heart, and wish to be his forever ladycat, but *marriage*? How can a modern girlcat like me submit to *marriage*? The institution that has enslaved my kind, relegated us to second place, put us little above domestic drudges, churning out bitties regardless of our will (thankfully I don't have *that* problem, but the principle is there)?

And yet, and yet? Could I truly vow to be bound to another *for all nine lives*? I mean, we love each other desperately, but things can and do change, what if the unthinkable happens and we find ourselves bound together without love? Would we turn into the sort of couple that prefer to make fur fly than to groom it lovingly? Surely it would have been better to have never bound ourselves in the first place than to end up like that?

Oh, diary, if there was only another way for Pine Cone and I to be wink winks without all that extra baggage this 'marriage' implies. Would he consider the traditional season-and-a-day pawfasting? We could renew our vows each time the Mouser sails, free to choose each time whether to stay or to go. Hopefully to stay of course, but always free to go. Perhaps he will be happy with this compromise?

Oh, Pine Cone, why is love so difficult?

Love,
C.

My most dear Chloe,

I read this over the fat wench's shoulder just now and I will be your partner in any fashion in which you will have me. After we defeat the pirate Fifi and his villainous crew on "The Black Pearl," we will be returning to FranknNikki's Island. Will you be pawfasted to me then? You may consider it for a year and a day, but I will consider it as always. Your red crushed velvet pillow and our matching collars await your pleasure. The supply of gourmet gooshy food is intact in spite of muttering from the crew. I suddenly feel as though I could take on the world and win.

Your loving,
Pine Cone