I have no idea of how I got to be "the cat lady" here at work (might have something to do with the fact that my office is smothered in cat pics) but I seem to be the person who dispenses advice to new cat owners. I've known Janet for about 10 years, and although we've been friends for almost all that time, we've been very quiet about my obsession with felines. I knew she hated the badly maligned critters, although I could never understand why. This is her story.

"Mum, Mum, can I have a cat?"
"No," said Janet, " Cats are horrible, dirty creatures. They're arrogant, selfish and vicious. They spread disease. You can't have one."

Several months pass, and Janet's daughter's birthday was approaching.

"Susannah, what do you want for you birthday?"
"A cat."
"You don't want a cat. Cats are horrible. I hate them. How 'bout a Barbie?"
"But Muuuuuum!"
"You like Barbies."
"But Muuuuuum!"
"I'll get you a Barbie."

Several years pass, no doubt with variations of the above conversation occurring at every Christmas and birthday. Susannah was well into senior high school, but still desperately wanted a cat.

Janet had a reasonable win in a lottery, and asked what Susannah would like to do with her share of the money. A new bike, new clothes, a holiday, maybe an old car? Janet promised it could be anything up to $5000 dollars.

Susannah bought a cat. Janet was far from impressed, but since she had told Susannah that she could spend the money as she wished, she felt she couldn't argue. She chose to have nothing to do with the cat, she was vaguely repulsed by the whole thought. Yuk! Cat litter!. If Susannah wanted a cat, then Janet knew exactly how to teach Susannah the meaning of responsibility. Susannah would have to deal with all the "yucky" bits of cat ownership, the feeding, the bathing (Janet didn't know that bathing a cat is not always necessary), and cleaning up the inevitable messes young kittens make. Janet, on the other hand, would have nothing to do whatsoever with the cat. No feeding, no playing, no petting, absolutely nothing. Janet did her level best to ignore the kittens playful antics, the "cute" poses, and the kittens attempt to show Janet affection.

About a month ago, Janet came to me to ask me what she needed for a kitten that was scratching up her furniture. I told her about scratching posts, and how to clip a cat's claws. Even then, she was still convinced that cats were bad, evil creatures, and the fact that this one was ruining her upholstery was just more proof. "Why would anyone like cats if they behave like this?" she pondered out loud to me. I just shrugged. How could I explain it when she was so obviously biased?

A week ago, Janet re-visited me to ask me whether cat-nip was addictive. Of course, I said no. "Do you want to see Cuddles?", she asked. Of course, I'll look at any cat picture, so I immediately agreed.

Cuddles is indeed a very cute cat, but after 3 rolls of 24 exposures, even the cutest cat can start to wear. "There's more at home" said Janet, like a proud Mum. "Cuddles is sooo cute. I just love it when she cuddles up in my lap. Is purring all the time normal?". I reassured Janet that Cuddles was just showing her happiness and contentment.

"Sometimes she runs around like something is chasing her, but nothing is. Its so funny, but is something wrong with her?". I again, reassured her that she was just seeing "normal" cat behaviour. "What about cat-nip? She seems to crazy when she smells it." "Yup, that's, normal too".

"Oh Vicky," Janet sighed, "I didn't know cats were so much fun. I don't know why I didn't get one a long time ago. She is so affectionate, sometimes she just wants to cuddle so much, I can't help it, even when I'm busy."

I smiled an understanding smile. "Welcome to the wonderful world of being owned by a cat." Janet looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean, 'owned by a cat'? ". "Oh, never mind. You'll soon understand." We now have another convert.

Copyright © Vicky Chapman
August 13, 1999