OK. That's it! I'm now officially on strike! They've finally broken my spirit and managed to turn me into a blithering wreck. One may ask oneself, "How can kids bring a Mother to her knees like this?"

Well, it wasn't my kids. It was those DAMN cats!

I've had a positively delightful evening, watching the cricket on TV with my darling hubby. (Thank goodness we share at least ONE passion!). Of course, our other passion is staying one step ahead of those cats. HAH! One step ahead? I'm constantly doing a Jive/Foxtrot/Rhumba with the little demons and they ALWAYS beat me! ~sigh~. Just like today. As mentioned in my other stories, we are allowed to share the house with Ming, Fatty and Lilah and they tend to go a tad overboard in their quest for supremacy in this house. Hubby doesn't like cat fur on his clothing, so the cats go sleep on his clothing.Typical. (Mine are all over the floor and we don't sleep on the floor, thankyouverymuch!) Hubby HATES the fact that Ming is addicted to his best woolly socks. Ming, in her turn, goes overboard in her efforts to get, eat, hide and play with them. Fatty just exists. That is his WHOLE reason for living. Eating and sleeping.

Anyway, back to my original story. Hubby and I were watching cricket when our youngest son came in wanting to know if we'd seen Ming or Fatty. Now, I KNOW I brought them inside from their pen. (Pussy Paradise, as the neighbours call it). The little bu…er…beggars had been in and had tea, too. This I also knew for sure as SOMEONE pinched half a Chicken Kiev while my back was turned. I knew it wouldn't be hard to find the culprit. All I'd have to do is pick each one up and sniff for Garlic! And yes, it WAS Fatty! Pig! I was enjoying that! Anyway, we all went into "battle mode". Three people spread out throughout the house, bearing stretchers and stimulants to succour the tired and weary warriors when we found them. OK. This is NOT funny anymore! We can't find TWO cats! We completely upended the house and could only find Lilah. (Gee, what a surprise!) We then began searching OUTSIDE. By this time it was getting very dark and I'm getting more panicked by the second. Then I heard a slight rustle down the back. It was FATTY! Looking very proud of himself and proceeded to tell us all about his adventures. I cut him short, much to his disgust, and continued the hunt for Ming. Living in Rural Australia as we do, my cats are NEVER allowed out after 6:00PM or before 8:00AM. Lilah has the run of the yard, but Ming and Fatty only have their huge Pussy Paradise or inside. I'm going into overdrive, now.

Ming, my beloved little girl was still outside, in the DARK, completely unaware of the dangers she could come up against. Foxes abound here and I had terrifying visions of her being mauled to death or eating baited meat or bitten by a snake……. so many awful things! So, we searched until 3:00AM and I finally told my son to go to bed. If Ming was to come home, she'd do so when things quietened down.

When everything had settled, I went outside for a cigarette. I knew that if she was hiding and frightened, then she would smell the cigarette smoke and come home. (I'm the only person who smokes, you see). Anyway, I wandered out the backdoor, lit up, and walked slowly around to the front of the house via the carport. The rest of this story is ALL typical of those DAMN cats! There I was, smoking quietly, when the next thing that happened was the most DREADFUL catfight started next door. Ming came screaming like a bat out of hell, hotly pursued by a feral grey and white tabby. I jumped out from the carport just in time shriek her name as she hurtled passed me at a zillion miles an hour with her tail all puffed up like a toilet brush. My scream must have sunk into her subconscious, and she hit the skids so hard that her back feet almost shot up her bum! She spun around and came tearing back to me with the feral cat still in pursuit. Straight up my legs, a ladylike heave onto my shoulders and a second heave saw her sitting right on top of my head, where she sat, spitting insults at all and sundry. I hurled a rock towards the directionof the other cat and it took off.

While that was happening, I endeavored to unravel claws that were firmly entrenched in my hair. No good. Had to do it inside because she was too terrified to let go outside. Needless to say, my idiot hubby's first comment to me as I came through the door with a cat on my head was to tell me that I made a GREAT female Davey Crockett. (Thank you dear! IDIOT)!

Ming has recovered very well. She is still a bit nervous, but she'll get over it. One thing I HAVE to say, though. All the time that she was AWOL I was kicking myself that she was not wearing her collar with her registration label, name and contact phone number on it. She's not microchipped either. Please, have your kitties microchipped. I never bothered because I figured that my cats are always penned or in the house. BIG mistake. The little demons ARE quicker than me weather I like it or not! No more Mrs Nice Guy. I'm on strike! They can feed themselves, clean their own kitty tray and pick up their own furballs. I've had it with them! It was 7:00AM before we got any sleep!

Those DAMN cats!

Copyright © Jo Gray
February 11, 2004