Dear Dorrie, For your own best interest I have to tell you that you should find yourself a new boycat. It breaks my heart to have to tell you this but I don't think I can ever face you again with my tail held high. Oh the indignity of it all! I should have known it was a trick when my Meowmy allowed me to enter the smallest room in the house. The only room in the house that she won't allow me to enter when she does. She says something about not appreciating my plumbing talents. But you would understand, Dear Dorrie, that a cat has to explore the deep, dark hole that is below the silver disk that She calls a drain cover. But tonight she opened the door and left it open, tempting me to enter the room and explore the hole. I had just stepped into the echo chamber (human note: I have a walk-in shower stall) and turned around to pull the silver disk up when I noticed that She had sat down on the floor near me. My whiskers began to itch and I knew something was dreadfully wrong! What is that she has in her hand? Oh, that plastic thing that she drinks her water from; and I relax a moment. But what's this? She's pouring her water over my nice dry fur! Merrrow? But the water runs down the deep, dark hole and doesn't pool around my feet so I'm not too frightened at this point. But then she pours some liquid on me and begins rubbing me, Ohhh that part felt kind of good until I realized she was getting my fur even more wet with her bubbly, lathery stuff. And it smelled. She kept saying something about smelling like a French Quarter whore. Do you know what she was talking about, Dear Dorrie? But the worst was still to come. The indignity didn't end with her scrubbing the smelly, lathery stuff all over my body. She began washing my butt! Who gave the furless, can opener permission to wash back there!? I might have forgiven her if she had been considerate enough to use proper protocol before scrubbing me, but She didn't even stick her nose back there to see if it needed washing! So Darling Dorrie, I'll understand if you feel you need to search further for a more proper cat to shower your affection. I've tried so hard to get my fur back into proper order. I've worked for the last two hours on this project. Selena, the little snake, ran and hid under the bed. Meowmy never tries to wash her butt. Usually she helps me to dry my fur but she's sleeping this one off. I think I'll do the same. Goodnight, sweet Dorrie, Hobbes

Copyright © Julie Cook
October 24, 2001