There is a saying:

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats,
for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

Now I can add to that:

Don't disturb your cat in order to mop the floors,
especially if you use some sort of smelly mopping liquid like Mop & Glo.

A few years ago on Thanksgiving morning, I put the turkey in the oven, then decided to mop the kitchen and dining room floors. For some reason, Skeeter had decided that was where she wanted to be, and I made her move several times in order to mop. She also made it clear she didn't like the smell of the stuff I was using, and eventually she went outside. After the floor dried, there was still a light odor of the liquid I had used. I went out into the garage, and Skeeter went into the house as I went out. When I went back in a couple of minutes later, Skeeter went back out. About ten seconds later I realized she had jumped up onto the stove and peed into the oven vent. If you've never smelled cooking cat pee, thank your lucky stars!

I knew the only way to get rid of it was to cook it out. I took the turkey out of the oven and ended up cooking it in the microwave. That wasn't easy, since I always get the largest turkey I can find. I turned the oven as high as it would go, opened all the doors and windows, and turned on the fan over the kitchen stove. Luckily it was a warm day. Also luckily, the only guests were my kids. We all huddled in my office, where the smell was very faint. By the time we were ready to eat, we could actually eat in the dining room, as long as we left the windows open and didn't breathe too deeply. Naturally, the oven was turned off by then.

I figure I earned a lot of brownie points, because that cat is still living.

Copyright © Joy Gaylord
November 16, 2000