Seeing as Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not really around anymore, Falstaff has taken it on himself to protect us from the latest creatures from Hell - the Vampire Moths. These creatures enter the house just as night is falling, through any open door or window, and unlike human vampires, Vampire Moths can enter without requiring an invitation.

Falstaff decided the other night that since he could see the moths in the dark, and we couldn't, it was all down to him to dust them with a claw (he isn't old enough to be entrusted with a wooden stake). We've been asleep for about and hour, when Falstaff first spots the moth. He decides on the subtle approach of stalking it round the bed, not too much of a problem, until he ends up sitting on my pillow and then wakes me up by jumping over my head onto the bookcase. Vampire moth is now on the wall above the bookcase, and I'm trying to work out why I have woken up. Sleep is just returning, when there is a crash followed by a sliding sound, as Falstaff knocks a couple of books down behind the bookcase, in an attempt to stake the moth. Unfortunately, because I was just nodding off, the sound got magnified in my head, and it sounds like furniture being thrown down the stairs. Other half is quickly dispatched to check all round and can't find anything. Before he comes back to bed, he removes Falstaff from the bookcase and puts him on the floor, Falstaff pleading to be allowed to kill the moth (which we don't know is there yet).

The moth has now ended up on the head board of the bed. Falstaff keeps trying to sneak up the bed to the pillows to get the moth. Each time he is gently grabbed and moved back down the bed - he's allowed on the duvet, but not on the pillows. Eventually he gives up and now sits on the bed staring at it. I could see him in the dark staring past me at something on the wall. Its quite disconcerting watching a cat watch something crawling round the wall behind my head - what if its a spider? Falstaff's thinking "Spider - she's worried about a spider. Its far worse, its a VAMPIRE MOTH". Other half gets woken up again - "Paul, Paul, what's Falstaff watching?". Light goes on, I retreat to the edge of the bed (just in case its a spider), and Falstaff boldly walks up the bed, claw at the ready. Other half peers at the headboard, just as the moth falls off onto the pillow, Falstaff pounces, misses and moth flutters towards the duvet and in true vampire fashion vanishes. Falstaff's frantically looking around for it, "Where'd it go? Can't let it get the humans". All of a sudden, it reappears right by other half, who starts flapping and leaping about, trying not to let it get him. It flies at his leg, and swat, he splats it against the side of the bed, leaving just dust (hence the reason why we think they are vampire moths - as vampires turn to dust when dead). Crisis over. Falstaff does a careful patrol of the bed just in case the moth had any friends, and then curls up by my knees to sleep and recover for the next incursion by the hell-beasts.

And Shylock? Fast asleep on the landing during the entire process, fine guard cat that he is.

Copyright © Rachel Craddock
July 1, 2004