A long long time ago, while I was still under the delusion that humans owned cats and not the other way round, I felt a little sorry for those people who mistakenly referred to their cats as their kids. It was reasonable, I mistakenly thought, to consider a pet a child substitute, but no-one in their right mind should be considering themselves parents to their kitty cat. Of course, that was before I discovered the truth about co-habitating with pets, and long before I had met Joel.

Joel is pleasantly mad. By pleasantly, I mean that his insanity goes well with mine. A psychology friend of mine once remarked that Joel and I have "the oddest group dynamic" which was probably his polite way of saying that we are both nuts. I guess we don't look at the world like other people do, and can have a wonderful night at home playing "idiot" with Shmogg and Fluffy. This explains both why we are still together, and why I write these little anecdotes of mine.

I thought it would be kinda stupid to refer to myself as my cat's "Mummy" until Joel started saying to Shmogg "who loves your Daddy?" The madness had begun. It took a while to get used to it, but when addressing Shmogg, I would occasionally be "Mummy" and Joel would occasionally be "Daddy". However, although Joel and Shmogg get on OK, there has never been that deep bond there.

Joel got Fluffy (the dog) and it was quite clear that although Joel liked cats, he was definitely a dog person. It took me a long long time to get used to Fluffy, as I was so welled trained by Shmogg by this time, I had great difficulty getting used to "dominating" a creature instead of the creature dominating me. Dogs, apparently need to have a master, and are quite happy and content, to be, well treated like a dog. Since I was still well under catly influence, it took a long time to break through the spell and be able to deal with Fluffy meaningfully. Happily, I have managed to do it, and although Joel is definitely "The Mater of The House" according to Fluffy, I no longer get crawled upon and chewed as I must be the 2nd-In-Charge of the pack. I'm not sure what Fluffy thinks of Shmogg, but at least I've found that I can love Fluffy now.

Now that I love Fluffy, and we've sorted out the social hierarchy, I no longer find it uncomfortable to be called or referred to as "Mummy" to the both the creatures. Joel is now saying to Fluffy "Who loves her Daddy? Who's Daddy's favourite girl?". *I've* even started saying "come to Mumma" when calling both critters. However, the madness has set in again, and although I have no idea when or even how it happened, Joel and I are now calling each other "Mummy" and "Daddy" whether we are referring to the pets or not.

At dinner a few days ago, both kids were milling around under the table, collecting the scraps Joel & I tell each other we don't give to the animals. They weren't fighting or chewing or generally being destructive, and it was a peaceful time for all the family. Its been a tough six months getting used to paying the mortgage and bills, getting to know what owning a house entails, what living with a rambunctious young puppy and haughty, attitude-ridden cat involves, but I think we've figured it.

I sighed a contented smile after finishing another surprisingly tasty home-cooked meal.(aside: we never used to eat home-made stuff because we thought we couldn't cook and it was too much hassle. We lived almost exclusively on take-away. Now we can't afford it, we are both pleasantly surprised how good tasting and cheap home-cooking is!). "You know," I said to no-one in particular, "Its been hard, but I think we've finally got out sh*t together". Joel pushed back from the dinner table, stretched lazily and observed "Yup, I think we're a proper family now". And then it dawned on me, out of the blue, that, yes, we *are* a family. There's Mummy and Daddy, and the two kids. I was stunned while the reality sunk in, but long, contented silences are now a welcome part of our household.

After a few minutes contemplation, I giggled. Joel stirred out of his reverie at the sound, and began to clear the plates away. "What were you laughing at?" he asked as he filled the sink with hot water.

"We *are* a family," I reiterated, " We're the parents, and we've got a teenage girl and a five year old boy. The cat's the girl - he's fussy about his appearance, dignified and haughty. He is as moody as a teenage girl, wants nothing whatsoever to do with his little "brother". He only displays affection on *his* terms otherwise he stays aloof."

Joel began to smile.

"The dog, of course, is the boy. She's full of beans, needs constant supervision inside and is forever getting into trouble. She loves mud and all things yucky, hates baths but on the same token, all she wants at the moment is parental approval. She is always trying to hang around her older "sister", who of course, wants nothing to do with her. Gotta be a five year old boy".

Joel stopped washing up and turned to me. I think I saw his eyes go a bit misty. "A family," he said. "A family", I nodded, my eyes also getting teary. He came over to give me a big hug, and we spent the rest of the night playing with our two kids. Although they are so very different, we love them both the same. Bugger the washing up.

Copyright © Vicky Chapman
October 29, 1999