Anyone who has said "cats don't talk" has obviously never spent more than 5 minutes around felines.

Not only do my cats speak to each other, but they speak to us humans and have even been known to have inter-species conversations with birds, mice and even the occasional canine!

How, you may ask, do I know all of this?

Well, I have spent my entire life living with felines, canines and other creatures such as rodents, birds and reptiles (only those with feet). As I am older than dirt, I guess that translates into my being an expert in the field!

Just the other day, I overheard my cat speaking with a bird outside the window. The cat was inside on the sill making a noise that reminds me of the "choppers" from M*A*S*H. It sounded to the untrained ear like "ackkkackkk". As an expert in feline-ology I knew exactly what was being said and will happily translate for you right now.

Cat: "Bird you are beautiful and so full of breast I feel inclined to swoop down upon you and devour your very self."

Bird: "HAHAHA! Foolish cat, it is true that I am beautiful and exquisite beyond measure, but you are mistaken in your ability to devour me. There is a screen between us and we are positioned on opposite sides of this barrier. Thus, you are incapable of capturing me."

Cat: "Bird, you are indeed foolish in your thoughts, for not only am I capable of escaping from this enclosure, but my paws are swift and my claws deadly."

Bird: "Oh cat, you forget that I am capable of flight, while you are earthbound. I would easily escape your fleet feet and deadly claws."

Cat: "Oh bird, how you underestimate my powers of acceleration and acrobatic leaps. I could quite easily capture you within my front claws and shred your beautiful plumage in an instant."

Bird: "It is possible you speak the truth cat. I think perhaps it is in my best interest to fly away before you can escape your earthly bindings."

Cat: "Come back here you COWARD!"

Imagine all that gleaned from just a few throaty aackaackks. And there are other conversations I've been privy to as well.

When my newest feline member was busily putting down a rebellion of cellophane candy wrappers after Halloween, the oldest female in my feline bunch sniffed and huffed at her. Not much of a conversation, you may say. But you would be wrong! In the one sniff and two huffs, the elder conveyed to the kitten that she was wasting her time on the silly candy wrappers and that she really needed to climb to the top of the cat tree and scream for a human to come carry her into the laundry room where the sock action is. When the youngster ignored her advice, a swift swat brought the youngster into line and she immediately followed the sage advice of the elder and wiser feline. This resulted in many cuddles from the human (me) and a transport into the laundry room where a sock rebellion was quickly put down.

So remember to listen to your felines. They are wise beyond words.

It has been rumored that dogs speak as well, but that is a story for another day!

Copyright © Cat Fulton
November 12, 2001