Today was a gloriously sunny early summer afternoon here in deepest rural Norfolk. The sun shone, there was a light breeze and the garden looked distinctly overgrown. Especially the long grass on the banks of the stream. Serious jungle down there, so Vernon and I donned the gardening clothes and went out to attack the undergrowth.

It was the sort of day the cats love to be out in the garden. Playing "Pounce on the hoomin" out of the long grass and the flowerbeds. As an unsuspecting human chances by, a feline leaps out, flying through the air, all four legs splayed wide trying its best to look *scary* and give the unsuspecting "hoomin" a heart attack as this feline fright vision flies by several feet in the air in front of you. This is a favourite game of Francis, who, when the mood takes him, reverts to kittenhood. He zooms around the garden at ninety miles an hour before making a leap at the trunk of the willow tree and lands, hugging the tree about five feet off the ground, in best "eco-warrior" fashion.

Today was the day Vernon got his revenge on Francis for all of the times Francis has leapt out of the undergrowth at Vernon….

Francis was sat in what remained of the long grass on the banks of the stream. He was facing the water, eyes closed, soaking up the rays of the sun. Vernon quietly, quietly sneaked up behind him. Francis was oblivious to Vernon, as he was engrossed in mellowing out in the sun. Vernon was about six inches behind Francis and said, "Hello Francis!" Ever seen a cat wake up in a nanosecond, leap six feet into the air and land in the stream amongst the trout? Who said travelling faster than the speed of light is impossible? Vernon and I just fell about laughing as Francis scrabbled back up the bank of the stream, not a shred of feline dignity left to him. Francis looked at us with the "Cat look of death" and proceeded to take up the "If in doubt, groom" position and lick his hurt pride. It was, I'm pleased to say, the only thing that was hurt, as the stream is only 12 inches deep at that point.

Vernon and I are now waiting to find out what revenge is going to be exacted on the "hoomins" for daring to laugh at him.

Copyright © Helen Simmons
June 5, 2000