Shmoggleberry

ABSTRACT

This paper attempts to document the as-yet uncatalogued species commonly known as "Ghost Mice". These creatures have been particularly difficult to study in the past; indeed, many researchers are still oblivious to their existence. However, with the new CAT (_C_athode _AT_tenuator) device, these existence and indeed, behaviour, of these "Ghost mice" can be inferred by the CAT's reaction to them, despite being undetectable by normal measures. However, it must be taken into account that the study of "Ghost mice" is really only the observation of the CAT's reaction to their behaviour, rather than direct observation, and therefore may not be 100% accurate. It is the hope of this researcher that with more CAT devices purchased via a grant, more information may be forthcoming.

HABITAT

It appears that Ghost Mice can inhabit any location that humans also live, although it is postulated that there are also Ghost mice in wilderness locations. Although certainly not inconstant with the known data, it has been difficult for the researcher to observe the CATS reaction to Ghost mice in the wild without the CAT being distracted by the unfamiliar environment. Once this signal-to-noise problem has been rectified, more research can be carried out.

In the domestic home, Ghost mice generally prefer locations like cupboards, the underneath of boxes, and under lounges, as this is where the CAT's attention is usually placed. Great curiosity was shown in particular to the cupboard-under-the-sink, at which the CAT scratched at with great determination each time it was shut, and entered with much enthusiasm once opened. The CAT unit continued to try to expose the location of the Ghost mouse several times a day until the researcher realised that, for the purposes of this study, it was more effective to keep the cupboard door permanently ajar.

There appears that a good nesting place is under houses as this is consistently the place to which the CAT unit accelerates towards as soon as it leaves the domestic unit. This has caused some concern for the researcher, as the CAT device has never been correctly programmed for outside use.

Although generally floor dwellers, it can be shown that Ghost mice can climb, and be comfortable on walls, as the CAT unit often looks and howls in frustration as the spot on the wall that is higher than the CAT's upper extension limit. This may be evolution in process, as wall dwelling creatures are obviously safer than their floor dwelling companions.

Ghost mice have never been known to occupy the-spot-under-the-bed (see FAMILY UNITS)

FAMILY UNITS

Ghost mice, are in general, solitary creatures, much like their normal domestic mouse cousins, as the CAT unit generally only pounces at small area. The Ghost mouse obviously is rigid in terror as the CAT unit attempts to catch the mouse at exactly the same spot for several minutes before priority is given to the unit's self-cleaning sub-routine.

However, at some point, perhaps when there is a full nest of pups, Ghost mice appear to work together. Clearly they work against any perceived threat, which in this study, was the CAT unit. The group of Ghost mice will surround the CAT unit, causing it to initiate its self defence mechanism - it increases it size by standing all its insulating coating vertically outwards, gives a warning signal by looping its tail component, and lets out noxious gas in the form of an audible "hiss". Although uncommon, this behaviour can be seen in the CAT unit at almost any time of the day. Clearly although small, the Ghost mice are most efficient at dissuading predators as the CAT unit will run away from the threat. It was determined earlier that the CAT unit knows that Ghost-mice never occupy the spot-under-the-bed as this is inevitably where the CAT unit eventually retreats to.

BEHAVIOUR

Ghost mice seem to be particularly active at night, when the lights are out, leading to the conclusion that they are generally timid, nocturnal creatures that shun the noise of human domestic existence. The CAT unit generally stays in "power saving mode" throughout the day light hours, although it does have a continuous low powered mouse detection sub-routine, and has been programmed with a self-activating system boot if it needs to replenish battery energy, extrude waste material, or seek further programming.

The CAT unit can be heard being particularly dynamic at approximately 3am, clearly when the Ghost mice are at their most active.

However, with careful observation, it appears that some ritual occasionally occurs which involves a solitary Ghost-mouse running across open an area many times, sending the CAT unit into a frenzy. This only happens infrequently, the conclusion being it is some sort of "rite of passage" for the adolescent mouse, similar to the "running the gauntlet" of human behaviour. It has been weakly linked to a change in the habitat, initiated as a "big clean up" by the human occupants, although it is only a weak correlation.

FOOD SOURCES

By observing the CAT unit's behaviour, it is surmised that the staple diet of Ghost-mice is indeed, the CAT unit's energy sources. The CAT unit always consumes all of its canned energy sources within minutes, so it is concluded that the CAT unit is fearful that the Ghost mice will steal the more favoured source of energy input.

Back-up concentrated energy pellets are also left out for the CAT unit to "top up" on whenever the contents of the unit's pellet storage unit drops below a critical level, this being a self-activating facility. However, the CAT unit's behaviour now suggests the ingenuity of the Ghost-mouse. Although it seems to the human eye that there is still plenty of the back-up pellets, the Ghost mice must drill the contents of each pellet, extracting all but the outer shell, as CAT unit will not utilise pellets more than a day old. It is concluded by the CAT unit's loud alarm system that this cunning drilling procedure must occur just before dawn each day. It is with much chagrin that the researcher admits a design flaw in the CAT unit - although the alarm system on the CAT unit is incredibly effective, it cannot be turned off without the researcher re-filling the CAT with a particular brand of wet-energy-source, and then reinforcing the CAT unit's programming for at least fifteen (15) minutes.

FURTHER STUDY

It has also been proposed that Ghost Mice also eat the Last Biscuit and tend to drink the remaining small amount of milk needed to make a cup of coffee in the morning. They may be capable of turning taps to at least "drip" flow to get enough to drink, and their nocturnal behaviour is consistent with he fact that dripping taps are usually only observed at night. It has also been suggested that Ghost mice nest in clean socks, and may explain why two socks are washed but only one clean dry sock per pair is found in the laundry basket on Monday morning. However, further work is needed in these areas, and the researcher therefore wishes to receive the permission and a small grant from the Head of Department for procuring more CAT units for the purpose of further study of the elusive Ghost Mouse.

Copyright © Vicky Chapman
September 4, 1998