We have two cats, "Chairman Meow" and "Sir Lick a Lot". Sir Lick a Lot is the smarter of the two. I've been teaching him to play chess. Actually, he's not all THAT smart, as I can still beat him two games out of three.

Chairman Meow on the other hand, is NOT mensa material. You would think that a cat living around here would know about things like aerodynamics.

Apparently not!

Our bird feeder is aprox. 10 feet off the end of the back deck on a 4x4 post about even with the deck height of 8 feet. Yesterday, the Chairman was seen on the deck assiduously studying flight dynamics as he envisioned them applying to cats and bird feeders.

We watched him sit there quietly as he no doubt worked out the physics and mentally constructed the wanted trajectory against his aerodynamic profile.

I of course being the more "experienced" member of the family already knew that the Chairman's flight envelope bore a close resemblance to a brick. My lovely wife of 35 years however, was actually showing some signs of concern.

"Can he make it?" she said!

"Well", I said, looking at our over fed; over weight fur creature, "perhaps with a ladder, or if he has eaten those baked beans I left for him in his dish."

As I spoke, my wife let out a scream as it became instantly apparent that the Chairman had done the math. He twitched his tail and made his takeoff run. Unfortunately, his math was either very bad, or he had used the wrong base. He reached Cso [cat stall/paws and tail extended] and rotated at Cr [idiot cat liftoff speed]. All four paws came out as he serenely soared over the top rail. Somewhere between Vx and Vy he came to a complete understanding with Isaac Newton. Actually, Bernoulli was never even a factor. He came to an absolute stop in mid air for just an instant; I could swear that he looked back at me with a sort of stupid smile on his face. Then down he went, right into the rose hedge.

The problem with the Chairman is that he never actually learns anything. If he could shave, it wouldn't be with Ocam's Razor. In his mind I'm sure he feels that the gravity was especially bad yesterday.

He will no doubt re-study the problem and try again.

Copyright © Dudley Henriques