Snoopy

A long long time ago, Snoopy (Rainbow Bridge) had a hobby. While we humans have the "extreme sport" of rock climbing, Snoopy participated in Extreme Screen Climbing.

At just about any time of the day, you could see Snoopy hanging on to a fly screen - any fly screen - about half way up, all four legs splayed to the points of the compass, and there he would hang for hours at a time, literally just "hanging around". His favourite of all was the back door screen as it went the highest - from the top of the screen it was about a two story drop to the ground (we had a high patio) and he could keep watch over his prime area of turf.

Nothing much deterred him from his hobby. We yelled at him a lot and we even waggled the screen door with him on it to give him the idea that it was unstable. Nothing worked and I think he even enjoyed the carnival ride. Perhaps he did it so he could get a good breeze on his back *and* his belly on a hot summers day. Even when he had the "bb gun" accident and had most of a back paw removed (down to one claw) it still did not deter him. It was like looking like out on a great big furry four legged spider straddling his web.

Dad hated Snoopy doing it. It ruined the fly screens exceptionally quickly. Snoopy was by no means a petite puss, and he ripped the horizontal threads exceptionally quickly. But what he lacked in grace, he made up in skill. Even if the screen was in virtual tatters he was still capable of finding the few threads still remaining that were capable of bearing his considerable physique. Nobody had heard of "cat mesh" at the time, and Dad used to get absolutely *furious* when they great grey furry funnel web took up residence on the screens.

One day, Dad had had enough. He had just replaced the screens yet again, and as soon as he had finished, Snoopy had climbed up them, each vertical step he took left a goodly sized fly-allowing hole in the fly screen. Dad said words that his ten and eight year old daughters did not yet know, and let loose with a good cupful of well-used old dishwater - SHOOSH! - straight through the screen, right into Snoopy's exposed belly.

Now Snoopy was far from a stupid cat, and had the biggest kahunas of any cat I've known, even after being "fixed". Even if he was sopping wet and smelt like last night's dinner, he wasn't exactly going to drop off the screen in shock, oh no. I have no idea how he did it exactly, he sort of slithered his way down, turning the newly installed mesh into long flapping strips of ex-screen that were approximately the divided in the same way as 16 finely honed claws. Dad went absolutely ballistic, but by the time he had found his keys and got the screen one into the security lock, Snoopy had miraculously disappeared from the brunt Dad's wrath.

The next time Snoopy started to practice his extreme sports, Dad got another glass of dirty dishwater and sat it on the corner of the table, in full view of Snoopy. He hesitated, paw nervously hovering towards the screen, and then stopped, claw extended mid air. Dad picked up the glass of filth, and allowed Snoopy to smell it through the screen. Snoopy backed away a little and after Dad put the glass of water back on the table, he sat serenely on the patio, waiting for his food to be delivered.

Obviously the dish washing water must have tasted absolutely disgusting, as clean water never ever bothered him, you could soak him all day and he'd still hang on the screen, diligently tearing fly-sized holes into it. It must have taken him ages to clean himself up, and must have been a most onerous task to get all the burnt bits of casserole, soured milk, soggy cornflakes and other ex-food out of his fur, not to mention the taste of the detergent itself. But he was an incredibly smart and conniving creature, and as soon as he saw the glass of filthy water sitting on the edge of the table, he'd stop with his batman tricks.

When visitor's wondered why on earth we had a glass of stinky stagnant slimy dishwater on the table, we'd laugh and say it was for the cat. They of course were were disgusted and horrified that we would let the cat have water like that. They never did quite understand the subtle difference between letting Snoopy have it, and letting Snoopy *have it*.

Snoopy, bless his soul, was one helluva cat.

Copyright © Vicky Chapman
February 29, 2000

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