Hello everybody, my name is Smudge.

I am a black cat with a sort of orange ripple smudged across my body. I am a very intelligent cat- I can open doors, but I can also do some quite silly things. For instance, the humans may from time to time wish to amuse me by pulling a toy mouse around on a string so that I can chase it (for their pleasure only, of course). However, when their backs are turned, I do the stupid thing of licking up the end of the string, and proceeding to swallow the whole lot, up to the toy mouse. The moment one of the humans notices, they have to yell something at me and run up and pull the string from my stomach, while I sit there with a stupid look on my face, wondering what the hell is going on. I don't know why I would do that.

Another thing is an unhealthy obsession with trolls (you know, the toy ones with stupid luminous hair). Given the chance, I will bat the still smiling troll all around the house with my claw, until I become tired, then I will start to groom him. That is, until the hair goes up my nose, then I sneeze and walk off as if nothing happened. Why would I groom the creature I had just worked so hard to catch? I don't know why I would do that.

I can remember another time, I had something wrong with my tummy, which made my poo all runny. The humans were muttering something about having to take a stool sample, so when the time came, I REALLY needed to relieve myself, but they wouldn't let me outside. Now, I haven't pooed in the litter tray since it got moved from the bathroom a couple of months ago, so I'm sure as hell not gonna perform an embarrassingly noisy poo in front of the humans. But they closed the window which I normally climb out of to go to the garden, and they wouldn't open the door to outside, so I was going to have to go in the litter tray, or was I? No, I thought I'd pretend not to need the loo, and slink slowly off in the direction of the brand new fluffy sheepskin rug, the one that I loved, the one I had spent the last few days pumping up and purring on. Then, I just stared straight ahead and angled my bottom down, proceeding to disgrace myself over a large area of the said new rug, making some alarmingly funny noises at the same time. The humans didn't know whether to laugh or cry (in fact they did both, the mummy human wouldn't be too happy when she found out). But I ruined the fluffy soft rug that I loved. I don't know why I would do that.

I was just wondering whether there were any other cats out there that have done stupider/sillier thing than that, I would love to hear from you, and I'll rack my brains for any other similar dim-witted things I've done

Thank you.

Copyright © Smudge
May 30, 2001