My name is Professor Martha, and this course is about the humans we keep as servants. Today’s lecture is on their anatomy, which in many ways is different from ours.

BASIC SHAPE: Humans are long and ungainly, unlike cats who are compact and agile. No reason for this is apparent.

LEGS: Long and straight. They stand upright on them – a ridiculous posture because it is unstable. They tip over easily, and trip over things, often over us. Four legs are always better than two, but if we cats do trip we simply fall sideways and collapse a short distance without harm.

ARMS AND HANDS: These have evolved from humans’ disused front legs. They are one of the few curiosities of their anatomy that benefit us. They can employ the hands protruding from the arms to turn doorknobs and let us in the next room, or outdoors. They can open cat food cans, and change our litter pans.

EYES: Like us, they’re located in the front of their heads, so at one time humans also were predators. But today they've lost this hunting skill because, compared to us, their vision is so poor. They can’t see a bird flick his tail even halfway across the yard. And in dim light they can barely see at all. This is dangerous, because they often trod on us in the dark.

NOSE: Unlike our noses, theirs protrude from their faces awkwardly, but despite these larger appendages their sense of smell is almost as poor as their vision.

EARS: Another faulty sensory organ. Their ears lie flat against their heads and can’t swivel to pick up stray sound.

FUR: Almost completely absent, except for the tops of their heads and a few other isolated patches. This reveals great areas of naked pink-to-brown skin, a distinct disadvantage because they have no buffer for sharp extended claws. They also lack protection from the cold, and compensate by covering themselves with layers of fur substitutes.

SUMMARY: In every respect but hands and arms, cats have an advantage over humans when it comes to their anatomy. Our next lecture will discuss the superiority of the feline brain.

Copyright © Bobcat
April 18, 2006