As many of you know the United States is home to some of the best animal behaviorists in the world. Not only that but some of the most reknowned psychics are also in America (can you say Miss Cleo?). Now using the latest in communications technology Rekenaw Tribal Industries has been able to contact directly a Felis Domesticus living in England. The following is the direct transcript of the interview:

Reporter: Hello? Can you hear me? Is the signal getting through?
Cat: [Tail tip twitch. Right ear flick.]

Reporter: Thank you for agreeing to go on the air with us.
Cat: [Closes eyes] [Tail wraps around paws]

Reporter: Many viewers here in the United States have been wondering for a longtime just what it's like to be a cat in England. Is England your first choice of habitat?
Cat: [Both ears twitch forward] [eyes open]

Reporter: Where would you live if you had the choice?
Cat: "Merowr?"

Reporter: And why's that?
Cat: [Stands up] [Rubs cheek on table leg]

Reporter: The Chicks?
Cat: [Lays on back] [wiggles]

Reporter: Pardon my directness, but aren't you neutered?
Cat: [Licks Paw. Rubs face]

Reporter: AH. I see. [laugh] So what kind of food do you prefer?
Cat: [Tail twitches] [Rolls onto side]

Reporter: So you don't like mice?
Cat: [Tail Thrashes]

Reporter: What about all this talk about "proper" moisture content?
Cat: [Tail Twitch] [Ears alert] [Right paw knead]

Reporter: Bottled?
Cat: [Full length stretch]

Reporter: So how about this indoor-outdoor issue? Any comments?
Cat: [Stands] [rubs table leg]

Reporter: But you get to go outside everyday
Cat: [Ears Flatten] [Tail Twitch]

Reporter: Smells?
Cat: [hisst!]

Reporter: So why don't you just leave?
Cat: [eyes wide open, pupils narrow]

Reporter: Who is this man?
Cat: [Turns] [Tail High] [Walks Away]

Reporter: Any last comment?
Cat: [Purrrt]

Reporter: Thank you very much.
Cat: (Already gone)

Copyright © John Mullen
September 14, 2001

Read this anecdote translated: Interview with a Cat (Translated)