The following messages were recently intercepted on a cat newsgroup. In accordance with strict CIA security measures, the author of these posts is classified information, however, strong evidence suggests that the person in question is an ailurophile. Enjoy!

POST 1

Subject: Cat Has Become a Secret Weapon in the CIA

I think my cat must have secretly enlisted in the CIA.

How do I know this? Because, each morning, after she eats, she practices all kinds of secret attacks!

She attacks the kitchen towel (hanging from the refrigerator handle), my slippers, the doorknob, the chair legs, my VCR tape collection, the phone cord, the Nintendo handset, my bicycle tires (when she's in the garage) and more.

Basically, she is an all-purpose attack-cat, once she has had her breakfast.

I am expecting a call any day now from the CIA. When they request a "Special Purpose Attack Cat" (Thats a SPAC) well, I am going to charge them a lot of money!

Copyright © Stephen Capps
November 28, 1998

POST 2

Subject: Special Mission for CIA Cat

(See the earlier post about the CIA Secret Weapon Cat)

Okay, here's the kind of secret mission I have in mind for my cat.

Let's say that Saddam Hussein cooked a spinach and brocolli casserole, as he does so often, and then he is doing the dishes. Well, with my Special Purpose Attack Cat (SPAC) he is going to get a really nasty suprise!

Once he looks for his dish towel, he will find that Manganese, my cat, has totally attacked his dish towel, ruining his monstrous plan to dry the dishes after he washed them!

Of course, you must keep this strictly confidential. I'm trusting in your discretion.

Copyright © Stephen Capps
November 29, 1998

POST 3

Subject: Re: Special Mission for CIA Cat

If we really want to take out Saddam, then you need to sneak your cat into his bathroom so he can shred the toilet paper rolls and Saddam wont notice until it's too late.

Copyright © Keith Perkins