I need your help settling an argument between me and Rob. Last Monday night I accidentally burnt a pot of his world famous chili. When I explained what had led to the accidental ruin of our dinner, he accused me of making the whole thing up and actually hinted that maybe I'm a bit delusional. [gasp!] So, here's what happened, Honest to Goodness, swear on a stack of really good books, the true story.

I get home from work every day at about 5:20. I always follow the same routine, first I let the Sadie out (she's a greyhound mix whose name stands for: Stupid A** Dog Into Everything), then I feed Lucy and Demon. Only after all the furbabies are happy and tended to do I get to change into sweats and flop on the couch. Well, last Monday, everything was going as normal except that it the weather had taken a turn and it was a little cool in the house. Rob had made a pot of chili the day before and I put it on the stove to simmer. I figured I'd go ahead and eat early and it would still be warm when Rob got home from work at about 11:00PM.

As I was pulling the couch throw over my feet Demon-Cat hops up into my lap. Here's what followed:

Demon: "Mom, I'm cold" He puts his cold little toes on my cheeks to show me just how cold he is.

Me: "I just turned the heat up, wait a few minutes."

Demon: "Mom, I'm REALLY cold" this time he throws in a head bump and a pathetic little chirp just to make sure I got the point.

Me: "Okay then, come on under the blankie"

Demon: "No Mom, I don't like that blankie, go get the other one."

Me: "This one is just fine."

Demon: "No Mom, I like the fuzzy one that's on the bed."

Me: "Okay, it is warmer, I'll go get it."

So, off I head to the bedroom while Lucy and Demon chat in the living room about how well trained I am.

In the bedroom:

Me: "Sadie, get off the bed, I need the blanket."

Sadie: "No Mom, I'm using it right now."

Me: "But Sadie, Demon wants the fuzzy blanket so he can lay on the couch. You don't want the baby to be cold now do you?"

Sadie: "Okay, can I lay on the couch too?"

Me: "Sure, come on."

Sadie: "Oh, Mom? Can we bring one of the fluffy pillows? You know, the ones with the flannel cases? They're nicer to lay on than the sofa pillows."

[sigh]

So, I head back to the living room with an arm load of pillows and the blanket trailing behind me. My furry owners barely give me a chance to get settled before they all pile on top of me. We have a few minutes of elbowing for room and arguing over choice pillow positions before everyone is satisfied. So, we all settle in for some serious TV watching. Luckily, I had enough forethought to put the remote within easy reaching distance. Sometime between a re-run of Friends and the start of the dog show, the inevitable happened. All that body heat got to me and I fell asleep. I will say that I held out longer than the furkids did, they were all asleep within minutes of making me go get the blanket.

[snore] (that's Lucy, not me!) -
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PUUUURRRRR!!!! (that's Demon, not me)
-
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BARK! WOOF! BARBARBARKKKK!!!! (the dog, not me!)

Huh? (that's me)

Uh oh......it's 11:30 and Rob's home. I slept all evening and.....what is that stink?!?!?!

So that's how the chili got burned. I accept no guilty whatsoever. It was not my idea to take a nap, the whole thing was instigated by the furkids.

Rob thinks (at best) I'm trying to shift the blame or (at worst) I'm losing what's left of my mind and need to spend a few weeks in a nice quiet sanitarium. What do you guys think?

Copyright © Kathy Hyle
Winter, 1999