1. Purring machine
2. Meower and vocal expert
3. Escape artist
4. Prey containment (catching prey and holding it)
5. Bathroom watcher
6. Entertainment Director
7. Paper chewer
8. Love therapist (in other words giving love back to the humans who care for them).
9. Bed checker (includes getting underneath the covers to test the warmth of the area they wish to sleep in as well as attacking their human's feet when in movement. Job also includes waking up their humans by walking all over them to find the perfect sleeping spots)
10. Explorer (Indiana Jones you have nothing on cats)
11. Toilet paper tester (includes unravelling all rolls of toilet paper to make sure they are good enough fun)
12. Water watcher and tester (includes toilet watching to make sure the water flushes and rotates in the right direction, also includes faucet testing, and shower watching)
13. Toy tester
14. Fish protection system (for those who have aquariums this job might include fish taste tester depending on the cat)
15. Scratching post inspector
16. Runner and all around athlete
17. Newspaper shredder
18. Cabinet inspector (makes sure that cabinets are up to proper standards for other cats to hide in)
19. Food taster
20. Gravitational scientist (makes sure that all pens and papers when knocked off of a table obey the laws of gravity)
21. Astronaut
22. Acrobat
23. Land management (includes protection of their territory from other cats)
24. Detective (investigates cabinets, closets and any other area they can get into. Investigative duties also include capturing and detaining their toys, their humans, prey, and anything else that moves).
25. Lap tester (includes testing the niceness of their owner's laps in order to do purr checks as well as receive the daily petting ritual)
26. Paper shredder
27. Lumberjack (can climb up and on anything)
28. Counselor (for those of us who talk to our cats and feel much better afterwards knowing someone listened)
29. Back and body scratcher (duties include clawing our fingers and other body parts in both play and in rest)
30. Computer hardware technician (includes walking across the keyboard in order to check it's solidity as well as screen saver watching and chasing the pointer on the screen.
31. Aerospace engineer (exceeding all speed limits by making sure they can jump quickly from table to table or table to chair. The job also includes showing their human how well and how high they can jump especially from floor to counter. Hangtime is involved as well).
32. Furniture inspector (same as Scratching post inspector only with one slight difference. This one also includes testing their claws to see if they can maintain their balance on a chair or other piece of furniture as well as testing it for comfort and reliability).
33. Last but not least, they are the kings and queens of the land. After all, cats come from royalty and I don't mind one bit being their human servant.

I hope you all liked my listing of the cat's true job in life. My cat brings me so much joy and love that I thank every day that she is a part of my family.

Copyright © Cat Protector
October 15, 1998

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Additional duties:

1. Pantyhose inspector - tests pantyhose with claws to make sure they are strong enough to wear.
2. Wash quality control - generally involves jumping into any basket of laundry (wet or dry) to check it has been thoroughly cleaned.
3. Cross-stitch preventer - plays with thread until owner gives up in disgust.
4. Tapestry inspector - jumps onto tapestry to ensure the stitcher is getting it right!
5. Curtain climber - tests both the strength of the curtain and the curtain-rod!
6. Excavator - for those litter-box expeditions.
7. Sunlight tester - yes, it still induces sleep, but you can never be too sure...
8. Human hair combing and cleaning (no joke! - one of them obviously thinks I always look messy)
9. Plant population control - making sure they don't survive too long.
10. Shift worker torture - you cannot sleep until you have fed us very, very well, and then we will not stop purring for ages, just to make sure you're still awake.
11. Black pants moulting (only applicable if cat in question is white).
12. Head warmer - well, there's a blanket over the rest of her body! She might freeze to death in her sleep....
13. Forlorn meower - but she will never figure out what you want, because you keep changing it...
14. General alarm clock - make sure the human never gets quite as much sleep as is needed on any given day.
15. Sleep tester - is it still as much fun as the last billion times he/she slept? Is one spot better than another?

And people worry about indoor cats having enough to do with themselves - as you can see they are exhausted just keeping up with their Job Description, no wonder they sleep so much of the time!

Copyright © Suze