Even before Shylock and Falstaff arrived at our house, I've had this fear of them falling down behind things like a wardrobe and getting stuck, followed by me putting my back out trying to move enormous lump of furniture to rescue whichever kitten was stuck, or having to ring other half and get him home from work to rescue the kitten. Luckily when they were really small, i.e. small enough to fall behind furniture, they weren't big enough to get on top of things like the large bookcases or the wardrobes. And as they became large enough to climb / jump that high, they have also become too large to fall down the small gaps behind the bookcases and wardrobes, so I've stopped worrying. Until now...

We decided to buy some new bookcases with doors, so that the kittens (now small cats) can't pull things like my sewing off the shelves. So we went on a trip to Ikea to investigate what was on offer. Unfortunately, we strayed away from the bookcases and into the bedroom section, where we discovered wardrobes and chests of drawers at reasonable prices. Other half has been promising me new wardrobes for the bedroom ever since we moved into the house some 7 years ago (lots of women are telling me this is actually quite a short period of time to have to wait). To cut a long story short, 4 bookcases, 3 wardrobes (including one that goes round a corner) and 2 chests of drawers have now arrived at our house and been build by other half and his dad (DIY expert person), assisted by Shylock cat who investigated every new bit of carpet uncovered as old furniture was removed, read instructions for new furniture by sitting on them, checked out that we were putting the right screws into the right holes by sniffing the holes and the screws (must have compatible smells), and helped develop our muscles by climbing aboard anything that needed lifting. Falstaff didn't help with the actual construction, but simultaneously kept my mother-in-law amused and tried to keep us workers fed by making his first kill and depositing it on the dinning room floor. The shriek of "Paul, your cat has bought something in, I don't know what it is" temporarily stopped wardrobe construction, and I think everyone was quite relieved when we discovered it was an ex-blackbird, rather than something still flapping. Luckily Falstaff was quite happy to relinquish his trophy and other half disposed of it appropriately (another story too long to go into now).

When the wardrobes were finally constructed, other half and his dad slide them into position along the bedroom wall, with the corner wardrobe in the corner (obviously), then the two chests of drawers, then the other two wardrobes taking up the rest of the length of the wall. At this point we discover that due to the size of the corner wardrobe, it needs to be about 10 cm away from the wall behind it so that the front of it is level with the fronts of the other furniture. This initially doesn't appear to be a problem. Then we discover a cat sized gap that can be accessed from the top of the chest of drawers. All my old worries about kittens getting stuck behind furniture re-surface, and I'm issued with instructions of which chest of drawers to empty and move out first (in case I'm on my own and there are no strong men around). Other half doesn't really think that cats getting stuck will be a problem, since they are unlikely to jump down into such a small gap anyway. He hadn't factored in the insanity gene that our cats have inherited from somewhere.

Shylock can get onto the chest of drawers and from there onto the top of the corner wardrobe. He has looked down the gap at the back and then ignored it, so on the surface of things, there doesn't seem to be a problem. Also, Shylock announces that he is going climbing with three meows of a particular tone, so it is easy to grab him before he gets into too much trouble. However, once on top of the wardrobes, Shylock likes to chase his tail at high speed. It is quite worrying watching your cat spin round at high speed on top of the wardrobe, in case he slips and falls down the gap.

Other half's dad is currently drawing up plans to install a cat flap in the back of the wardrobe, in case of emergencies. Other half is now getting worried, since he thinks such a door would probably provide the cats with access to Narnia. It could be quite interesting to see what sort of small beasts Shylock and Falstaff manage to catch in Narnia and bring into the bedroom via the wardrobe cat flap. And to think I was worried about small birds and mice being bought in from the garden...

Copyright © Rachel Craddock
July 6, 2004