These are the "Christmas Letters" my parents have sent out the last two years. They are written by their cat, Loki, and are hysterical. Enjoy!

Aim

---

Merry Christmas 2001

Crazy Humans. I simply don't understand them. Captain Hal is famous for quoting John Wayne's great line "nobody understands women". I agree, but I think men are just as hard to understand. As a matter of fact, I think ALL humans are completely nuts!!

I could give several examples, but I'll concentrate on just one: Christmas letters.

The first thing Hard Working Elaine asks, when she gets home from work this time of year is, "Any interesting mail?"

"Got a Christmas card from George and Beth and a letter from Brenda and Ian" Captain Hal says. Hard working Elaine responds "Oh, great! What did they have to say?" Captain Hal tells her and then she reads them herself!! Wonder why she asked my busy Captain what they said??

"Here's one from Mari and Jerry. Why didn't you mention it?" Hard Working Elaine asks. "'Cause Jerry wrote it." my hero, the good Captain, responds. They both laugh. It turns out they both actually look forward to this particular epical each year, but only Hard Working Elaine would EVER admit it!!

"Have you talked to Paul lately?" Hard Working Elaine asked. "No" Captain Hal answers as he chuckles at the card Paul and Shannon sent showing a kid with his tongue stuck to an ice cold metal pole saying "Hathy Holidayth". "Let's make that a priority" she says.

Each day, for the last month, the ritual has been the same - joy, chuckles and resolutions to call. Seems sad that humans are so casual about their friendships. I visit my friends every day, in person. No phones or email for me. And yet, I am happy to stretch my principals and help out Captain Hal by writing the annual letter.

I was excited to hear that Good Gift Amy and Gentle Blake are planning to visit over the weekend and the word is that Blake will use my 9 a.m.-3 p.m. napping spot (actually, his old bed) for a few days over the holidays. This will please Hard Working Elaine as she enjoys having her 'chicks' close (since Amy is 28 and Blake is 26, 'chicks' is kind of a 'yolk'). It also means that my leader and I will be watching "The Simpsons" with Blake (Blake's favorite) far more than either Captain Hal or I really need, but we all love Blake's chuckle, so we watch it with him. CNN, The West Wing and any Golf tournament involving TIGER-big cat-WOODS are our favorites.

Gentle Blake has had quite a year. He finished up most of his courses for his degree in Mechanical Engineering last spring and has been interning at [company snipped] since then. He helps design probes for inspecting fiber-optic cables and is quite happy that he is listed on the patent for one of his more able efforts. Right after Christmas he goes back to school to finish up studying how to make even better probes. I am most sure I would be excellent at that job because who's better at probing than a good cat!

He and Carolyn have called off their planned wedding without any real explanation to anyone. I'm always the last to know, but this time no one has much to say. Personally, I'd like to see them back together and I know Hard working Elaine and Captain Hal feel the same way, but I doubt any of us will be consulted. Wait and see, is my plan.

Good Gift Amy (Amy always brings me the neatest toy mice) and Hard Working Elaine talk on the phone almost every night. This is by far my best source of information - old 'name, rank and serial number' is my idol in every possible way, but "Chatty Cathy" he ain't. If I heard correctly, Hard Working Elaine's company just paid off their $1,000,000 start-up loan. They are debt free!! WOW!! And after only three years!!

Poor Amy!! The layoffs and general instability in the tech industry have been nipping at her heels this whole last year. She was disappointed in the spring when she did not get a particular job she interviewed for, only to find out two months later the company had gone under. To top it off, she and Eric ended their three-year relationship. She's a 9-life human if I ever saw one and seems far tougher than I originally gave her credit for. If the good and bad bounces really do average out I'd say Amy has some multiple ricochet holes-in-one coming due in 2002.

Captain Hal and I are planning to finish the back yard patio and deck this coming spring. Hard Working Elaine's plan is to have it done in time to use it fully this coming summer. With my expert supervision, they completed a privacy screen and most of a new patio using made-in-place pavers. I helped a few times by autographing the fresh cement with my paw print.

Since this is now my second Christmas with Captain Hal, I am secure in knowing that they treat strays wonderfully. I know they would put you in your very own room if you want to come to stay a little.

Merry Christmas, Seasons Greetings and Happy New Year!!

"Captain Hal's Good Cat Loki"

Copyright © Aim