Yesterday Vernon was in London all day on business. He didn't get out of meetings until well after 10:00PM. So by the time he drove home, it was after midnight when he finally arrived back at Chateau Simmons. I waited up for him. As well as waiting up for Vernon, I was waiting up for Waffles. She had decided not to come in for the night. She was out - well and truly out. I did my "scare the neighbours" bit, by being a madwoman roaming the lanes calling, "Waffles, Waffles!" No sign. Vernon arrived home about 1:00AM, looking tired and drawn - even he then went out scaring the neighbours with cries of "Waffles! Waffles!" By 2:00AM, I was cream crackered, and fell asleep on the couch.

I was woken at 8:00AM by the sound of Waffles meowing outside the front door. I woke up, stumbled to the front door, opened it and a one-eyed black ladycat strolled in, immediately making her way to her food bowl. It was empty. "Yes, yes, Waffles, I'll do it in a minute…" I mumbled, whilst opening the back door to allow Francis and Marble access to the garden for their morning ablutions & strolls. I managed to switch the kettle on and I saw Waffles zoom out of the back door. A few minutes later, I heard Waffles wander back - her "MMOOOWWWZ!" call announcing it. "Yes, yes, Waffles. I'll be there in a minute …" I mumbled, still in a state of sleep deprivation.

At this point - Vernon got up. He heard Waffles and wandered to the back door. "Oh my god! Look what she's done!" I wandered to the back door an immediately retched at the sight confronting me. There was Waffles sat next to the head of a rabbit. I took the hint and filled up her food bowl immediately. She'd made me an offer I could not refuse. What will she do next time if I don't fill her food bowl the nanosecond she requires it? I went off consult my lawyer Hughie Barf using the large white telephone in the bathroom.

Copyright © Helen Simmons
August 2, 2002