Mrrp Juliet!

Ohh the effort! I am being chased all around the place by that horrible smelly drooling thing, *and* I'm controlling the can opener's hands so that I can write to you! Pretty impressive huh?

(Don't tell the slave, but sometimes I like playing chasey. Silly drooly creature still doesn't know I could turn it into mince-meat at any time - but it sure does freak out the can openers).

Anyway, I have now forgiven my Meowmie for leaving, although I don't sleep on her lap any more - the smelly thing does. But she tries to be fair and gives me good skritchies even if the smelly thing *is* on her lap. Smelly Thing gives me good jealous stares. HAHAHA - it knows who is loved best around here - Meowmie even says I'm her favourite Beastie hehehe.

I have now consumed 4 more feathers off the birdie thing - I had forgotten how good feathers can taste - shame theres no real birdie as dessert! Meowmie always gets real upset when I eat one but its here fault if she can't keep up with my incredible lightening reflexes. the Smelly Thing also tried to eat one, but spat it back out. Smelly thing drooled blue drool. Hahahaha. Meowmie was concerned about the carpet, but figured that one more stain isn't going to make a difference now. You know of course that none of those stains are my fault, don't you? Even the ones that Smelly Thing didn't make herself are her fault - well, Meowmie and Paw yell at her a lot, especially when they are carrying things in their paws, particularly hot, brown yucky smelling liquid in those "cups". Serves them right!

Miss Juliet, you were concerned:
> And headbutts to you Shmoggy. You know, you are my first CyberCat friend.
> (but don't get any ideas, I am NOT into kitty cybersex!)

Please do not be scared. As much as I find you an incredible specimen of our species - yet more proof we are indeed the most superior of all species, I regret to have to tell you that my CyberSex abilities left me long ago, along with my ability to make perfume. However, this leaves me with a more gentle demeanour and please be assured I'll always behave as a perfect gentleman, well, for you anyway. I for one will do no wiggly things to you at all - I will never kick you off the bed or even close you out of the bedroom. I hate it when the slaves do that, and I can't see why I would inflict such degradation upon you.

Have you met Alexander, your cousin-in-law? Well I am somewhat like Alexander, except grey and far more beautiful. Meowmie said that we were about the same weight and body shape, but of course our fur is different. Please forgive my bald patch - it's just nerves. Talk to the smelly thing about that.

I have not pulled any Bastard Cat tricks of late as it has been cold and snuggling up to Meowmie just after a bastard cat trick is never easy. For the moment I prefer my warmth over demonstrating my superior intelligence. However, I have another one planned sooner or later. We can't let the slaves think they own us, rather than the other way around!

Well, that's about it my dear Juliet. Please pass on my regards to your brother Romeo and your Cousin-in-law, Alexander.

May your fur be ever dry,

Shmoggleberry

Copyright © Vicky Chapman