Mrrp! Juliet

Oh deary my, what a rude pussy cat I must seem. But its my human's fault you see. Stupid human goes and gives *me* another e-mail address (Did I ask for one? I don't think so!) and then forgets all about this one. Silly humans! The only reason she even *thought* about this one is because she says her mail ISP is mucking up and she's trying to pop it from somewhere else. The only thin I can pop is not something that should be discussed in front of gentle lady folk, but I am sure you are familiar with the euphemism of "horka". I'd hate to think of Meowmie having to horka anything, especially an ISP. I think ISPs must be the most evil thing around because Meowmie & Paw are always talking about how horrible they are. I think they must be like asps but bigger - because asps are evil, slimy and poisonous as well. Hope Meowmie doesn't choke while popping her ISP.

Otherwise the smelly drooling thing is mostly behaving herself. I am trying to teach the poor fool the very basics of good kittydom. For a drooly thing, she's actually quite bright - she is getting reasonably good at the basic Bastard Cat tricks, a partner in crime even. She has taken to eating grass and lying around most of the time, but I still cannot stress to her that a litterbox is for *out*put not *in*put.

My stress level seems to have stabilised so I am not getting any less furry. Its not growing back much either, but then again I haven't yet forgiven Meowmie for getting the drooling thing either. It doesn't matter though, because I know I'm still the most handsome person around here - some women like bald men!

Thanks for the second birdie thing. I ate most of the feathers again (yum! almost like real birds!) before Idiot Drooly Thing munched it for me. Like I said, I've been trying to train her to be a good kitty, and she tries hard, but the *subtleties* are lost on her. When I say "Chase, catch & bite" she runs at full speed, smacks her whole body onto the feather thing and then chews it for about 3 hours so its good & dead. Nothing like the graceful leap & ballet of a kitty dancing with the thing, and she doesn't understand that to keep the slave happy, one must *not quite* catch the thing all the time. I don't know why they think its a good game, but surely catching it straight away and munching till its dead does not keep the slaves distracted to hatch up anything more than a tiney Bastard Cat trick. Maybe in time she'll learn that the best way to get at humans is to let them *think* that they are in control.

As I said, she's as stupid as mud when compared to us Superior Species, but she's not so bad for a drooly smelly creature. At least she knows who's boss around here, and that's a good start.

Well, my Juliet, please accept my profound apologies for my tardy reply. Mrrps and headbutts to Romeo and your slaves (you have 3 now I understand?). Until next time, I must bid you...

...Adieu.

Shmoggleberry xxx

Copyright © Vicky Chapman