A message from the boss:
PEACE P. MILLER
as told to Sarah

I wish to inform you that things are going to be managed differently from now on, due to a rival feline who has entered through the strongholds. The offender is known as Angel, and is, bluntly, a calico. Know this: I do not tolerate any felis domisticus in the house without proper leave, and I am rightly jealous of calicos because of their technicolor fur. As a monotonous moggy, I insist that you do not call the cat pretty in my presence. Keep in mind that I have a more enjoyable aroma.

Also keep in mind that it is required that any cat wishing to sleep in my human's room must produce a deceased rodent. Therefore, I request that, in the unlikely event that Angel accomplishes this feat, I would be allowed to inspect the mouse. I should also witness such transitions as being allowed in the laundry room. I trust that, for the moment, the entire basement is mine and mine alone.

We must also consider the fact that Angel is going to give birth to kittens. Note that, while two cats might be acceptable under controlled conditions, eight cats are more than enough for a 5-human family. Find homes for the catlings, and get Angel desexed, like I am.

There are also rules of sharing, such as, do not give Angel any present that you do not have any way of sharing with me. Keep our food and water bowls separated, and remember that she is the one who likes Homestyle cat food. True homestyle is Meomie's milk. Think about this: Angel's kittens are going to be getting Angel's milk, while she, as a nursing mother, will get proper nourishment. Meanwhile, who will care about me? Consider also that, during the Christmas season, a time of peace and goodwill, it would not be pleasing to me if someone else hogged the attention...

I leave this information to you the humans. Do as you will, noting that I know how to sneak inside Gordon's underwear drawer.

P.P.M.
REBUTTAL NOTICE:

I regret to inform you that I have conducted an error in my earlier announcement about the rival arrival: Angel is not expecting descendants. In fact, she has a bad gas problem, causing her to get bloated and smell bad. Like I said, I am better at smelling good. Hear that? Hear that? I am queen of the Miller house!

Sorry about that. Anti-dignity attack.

Copyright © Sarah Miller, 12 years old.
December, 2001