Sunday afternoon I was camped out in the recliner reading the newspaper. Dusty was sleeping on the couch on his pile of chenille pillows soaking up the sun softly snoring. Kody dog was laying on my feet sound asleep. Hubby was out of the house and my daughter was quietly playing in her room. Ah, blissful peace.

Then.....My daughter comes into the living room complete with kitty carrier full of stuffed cats and her pet doctor stuff and parks herself on the floor in front of Dusty. She tells him it's time for his checkup. He just opens one eye and looks at her. She then proceeded to check his heart with the stethoscope, told him he didn't need a transplant. Thank goodness. Now it was time to check his temperature. She went to put the plastic thermometer in his mouth and then remembered it needed to go into his butt. Without looking up from my paper I shook my head no. She opted for feeling his forehead instead. He was a little warm. She determined he had a broken leg and wrapped a hanky around it and secured it with a pony-o. He was still just laying there like a sun slug with his eyes closed. Then she checked his eyes. Uh oh, she saw something very wrong here. Could be a brain tumor. She told him she needed to go get Boo-Boo Bunny out of the freezer to fix this problem. (Boo-Boo Bunny is a plastic ice cube wrapped in a little pink bunny) She puts (the very cold) Boo-Boo Bunny right on his closed eye. Then she does the other eye. Then lays it on the top of his head where it sat for at least a minute. Does he move? Nope. She told him she was giving him a treatment called a "corneal brain freeze" and that he should be able to see in a couple of hours and the tumor will freeze and then melt out his butt. He may need to come back for more "cleemo" (chemo) treatments too. She found various other things wrong with him and managed to put Boo-Boo Bunny just about everywhere on his body. He never moved.

When she was finished she told him the bill was going to be $600 but he could work it off in her clinic cleaning out litterboxes. (Wish his "real" vet would let him do that!) As soon as she left the room he lifted up his head, opened his eyes and gave me possibly the most dirty look I have ever seen. It was as if to say, "thanks for giving birth b*tch"! I started laughing so hard. Kody dog startled, jumps up off my feet and lets out a big stinky fart. He heads right for Dusty, pulls him off his royal chenille perch by his tail and then lays right on top of him. Dusty and Kody are now in one of their full blown altercations, hissing, barking, rolling, banging. Dusty's "cast" is still on his leg too! My daughter runs into the room with a plastic syringe and tries to give both of them a "sedative". Then she starts yelling at them in Polish (like daddy does) to knock it off. The air is still heavy with Kody's stink bomb. Ah, so much for bliss!

Copyright © Tambra Jo Gwozdz
February 14, 2001