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Pondering Party Pussy Problems

Background: I had a little, intimate party at my home on a Saturday night last September with several *very* wonderful women as guests. My 8 month-old Siamese cat, Random, as all who know him know, is a little freaky. He also loves people a little more than is quite normal.

As guests arrived, we gathered in the kitchen, chatting and drinking coffee, and eating some yummy pizza that had been thoughtfully brought by the guest of honour. Random the Cat grew more and more agitated, leaping indiscriminately upon even the allergic folk, and trying to talk to and be on everybody at once.

Since he is clumsy (and pointy, too), I stuck him in the bathroom to relax and let the guests mingle without having a Siamese stuck to their chests. (If you think I'm exaggerating... please allow me to assure you that I am not)

When folk started to filter downstairs into the basement/rec-room for games, someone let him out... and discovered that he'd chewed a huge section of wood off the bottom of the door. The bathroom was coated with wood chips and paint slivers.

Once everyone was downstairs, we caught Random (he was climbing the recroom furniture, yelling with excitement), sequestered him upstairs, alone, and closed the door at the top of the stairs.

Some time after I had started a small game with my Loved One, people jumped and said "Is that knocking we hear?" As host, I went to investigate - perhaps it was the long lost missing couple of guests? the landlord? the neighbours? I opened the door at the top of the stairs, tripped over my cat as he brushed by me on his way down... and found nothing out of the ordinary. I returned to my interrupted game, my guests - and my cat attempting to see exactly what about this recroom thing was so interesting. He was once more summarily ejected to have the run of the whole house - upstairs. Over the course of the next while, the noises coming from the door ranged from querulous meeps and mrrrrraiaows, to a sound I can only describe as similar to a full-grown adult human without the knowledge of doorknob technology trying to get through the door. He even knocked, I swear it.

I ignored him. My Loved One ignored him. We were busy. The other guests had congregated around a nice-sounding game in the next room, further from the stairs.

Suddenly I heard a noise that I could not quite believe. It was the rather unmistakable metallic sound of the *doorhinge pin* hitting the floor and rolling around, then the door's scrrrrrtch as it was pulled open. "My god, he's taken the door off its hinges" I said to my Loved One as Random romped down the stairs, and jumped on her chest, painfully squashing one nipple in the process. We were too stunned to move.

He left us then, and moments later the social sounds from the next room stopped... and one of the women walked by, dangling my cat from his armpits as she took him back up the stairs. "Door appears to be off the hinges" she said on her way back to play. Neither my LovedOne nor I could speak. Moments later, the door rattled hard several times, then scraped open, and again my cat seemed rather proud of himself as he loped down the stairs and strolled in to examine the proceedings. This time I got up from the table, took the cat upstairs as he complained bitterly that he just wanted to help, really. I bunged him in a heavy-duty cat carrier, fixed the hinge and the door, swept the splinters up, as they seemed like a hazard... and went back to restart my whole game...

So my only question is: Does anyone have a lion cage for sale? Cheap?

Copyright Elaine Miller
April 14, 2000


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