Frank here. I am sending an SOS to all of you, my fellow furry felines. I am afraid my hoomin has been invaded by an Alien, or possessed by a Demon.

She is usually quite kind and easy-going. I can wrap her ten times around my furry little paw before you can say "can-opener." But these last few days... [shakes head in disbelief] Let me give you the facts:

1. The other day, she caught me, held me in a vice-like grip (something my real hoomin never does, because my pitiful cries go straight to her heart), her back legs and one front leg around me, and with the other front leg, she squirted the foulest liquid you could imagine into my mouth.

   That stuff made me throw up all night. In the morning, I was just about to puke in the bed, when she *threw me off the bed*! This has never ever happened before. Well, except for that one time last summer, when I brought her a vole for breakfast in bed. Usually, she asks me to join her in bed.

   After this, I was weary of her - I had my suspicions that all was not as it should be. I stayed away from her, mostly hiding under the bed to get away from her evil eye. If she caught my eye, I immediately said Mraah, which, as you all know, is an efficient cat curse at the evil eye.

2. This morning, she behaved as usual at first, shoving some new foul gunk in my face and expecting me to eat it. I hid under the bed. That was when the Demon appeared again. She shoved some stuff, that was under the bed, against me to get me out of there. I stood my ground, but when she became more forceful in her shoving, I had to get out of there. I tried to run to the window sill, from which it is an easy jump to the top of the bookcase, where she cannot reach me, but I only made it to the window sill, and then she caught me and *smeared the gunk all over my fine fur*! I ask you! Is this any way to treat a refined old gentlecat like myself? It took me *ages* to get my fur presentable again! I still feel dirty.

3. This evening, she says she is going to squirt something into my mouth again, if I don't eat it voluntarily. She is very angry with me, which my usual hoomin would never dare to be. Never before has she addressed me in such foul terms! She knows very well who my parents were, perfectly respectable housecats both of them, even if my Dad did roam a little in his youth.