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Humans:

Your cat waits and miaows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying:

a) Welcome home
b) The phone rang twice while you were out
c) Feed me, NOW

Your cat miaows at the door when you go out. Is it saying:

a) Please don't leave me here all alone
b) Goodbye
c) But what if I get hungry while you out?

Your cat digs its claws in your leg. Is this:

a) An unsupressed primal instinct
b) A sign of affection
c) A demand to be fed now

Your cat scratches at the door after being fed: Is it saying:

a) Lemme out - I need to use the garden
b) Wanna go out and play
c) Wonder what they've got to eat next door?

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Cats:

Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean:

a) It's hungry
b) It's lost
c) You're hungry
d) Let the begging begin

Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this:

a) Supper
b) Something he/she obviously wouldn't eat
c) Something to keep you going till supper's ready
d) Inedible junk to be scorned in favour of what the human's eat.

Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean:

a) You're in trouble - better not do it again
b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time
c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it
d) It's time to chew on the cable wire again

Staircases are for:

a) Getting up to the human's bedroom at 4:00AM
b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of
c) Walking down just slower than the human in front of it.
d) all of the above

Your human talks/yells at you. You should:

a) Listen intently, even if you don't understand
b) Meow in acknowledgment and continue what you were doing
c) Ignore him/her completely; you're a cat, they mean nothing
d) Move on to the next annoying activity to encourage their talking behavior

Phone and electrical cords and strings from fabrics are:

a) Important to humans and should be left alone
b) Playthings and deserve your total attention; no matter what damage may result
c) Annoying and should be removed immediately

Birds, small rodents and large bugs should be:

a) Ignored (especially if your human wants them removed)
b) Played with until they stop playing
c) Presented to your human as a proud trophy
d) Hidden under your human's pillow for safe keeping
e) Consumed for their nutritional value

A human giving you a bath should be considered:

a) Under no circumstances
b) Under no circumstances
c) Under no circumstances
d) An act of war
e) All of the above

Your human's value is limited to:

a) Providing food
b) Providing water
c) Letting you out
d) Providing opposite-gender feline companionship
e) Leaving you alone
f) All of the above; if properly trained

Copyright © Mike Whitaker, et al.