Speaking of picking cats, after two years of constant nagging and cajoling, my friend's DSE (designated spouse equivalent) finally succumbed, and reluctantly agreed to adopt a cat.

Several conditions went with cat ownership. Firstly David (DSE) was not going to be responsible for the cat in any way whatsoever (except in emergencies - he's not a heartless bastard). Helen would have to feed the cat and care for the cat out of her own finances, and she would also be solely responsible for feeding and cleaning up after the cat. Helen, of course, agreed. Dave, not being a cat fan, but realising that if he didn't accept co-habitating with a feline, Helen may have stopped co-habitating with him, also said that *he* was the one who was going to choose the cat, so he could be sure that the cat was suitable for him to put up with.

David is one of those ever-so-organised sort of people. Fastidious, meticulous and way too tidy for me. He has everything in his life sorted and scheduled, and therefore wanted a placid, easy going cat that wasn't going to interrupt his routines.

He picked out Sophie as she was the quietest, most sedate cat there. The cat didn't let out a squeak the whole trip home. She was completely unfazed when carted up the 4 flights of stairs in her cat carrier. Nothing bothered her when her carrier was opened in the flat.

Then Helen appeared and tried to pat her new "baby".

The cat went "skitty kitty" and ran around the place like crazy for over 2 hours, knocking things over left right and centre. When awake, she just doesn't stop - if theres nothing *real* to chase, she'll just run around, pretending to kill things. Sophie is the most energetic, playful, mischievous and *nutty* cat I've ever come across, and she loves Helen to bits.

David, on the other hand, has to put up with soggy, smelly, socks and ripped up speakers. He thinks that perhaps he should have let Helen pick her own cat. Helen is more than happy to oblige, but David thinks that one cat has already introduced as much chaos and unpredictability as one man can bare. Still, at least Helen isn't thinking about having kids...yet.

Copyright © Vicky Chapman
July 18, 1999