Lately I feel we have been living in a leaking submarine with the water i.e. kittens, on the inside. We have watertight compartments everywhere. I have to batten down the kitchen hatches before preparing kitten food (that is if I am fast enough) I can then peacefully stoop to the fridge to get the meat (without a kitten on my back and one inside the fridge). While I am preparing the plates I hear frightful noises on the other side of the hatch as the kittens watch me through the dining-room - kitchen, servery window - the fax phone falls in the rubbish bin, most of the papers rustle off the the fax desk onto the floor and the yowling is terrible.

Now that the kittens have been outside the submarine they have only one object in life. Their sharp, little ears pick up the slightest whisper of a hatch opening. We have to open two hatches to get out, a wooden hatch and a fly screen hatch. The slight time delay means that the kittens can make the fly screen hatch in seconds from any point in the submarine.

We have three sets of hatches and have learned to use them cleverly. It is possible to pretend to open the door hatch in the kitchen and then run away as the kittens rush there expecting the fly door hatch to open next. Sometimes you can even make it to another set of hatches in the washhouse and escape the submarine. This is a big achievement and you can even laugh at the frantic yowling you leave behind as the washhouse hatch closes just in time.

Getting back inside the submarine is a hit and miss affair particularly when your arms are full of groceries. It is impossible to see the kittens inside the submarine. You open the fly door hatch and fumble your hatch key in the wooden hatch (very quietly). You open the hatch a fraction, ah, not a kitten in sight. You assume they are sleep and fling open the hatch. There is a thunder of feet and they both dash out. (there is a lesson to be learned here, kittens never sleep). Sometimes you can fall over the kittens and spill groceries everywhere. The Captain once put his back out for a week performing kitten stopping gyrations. The longer it takes you to get on your feet the further the kittens can go. If the gate is open they can even make it down the drive and onto the road!!!

There are numerous watertight compartments in the submarine and we use them all the time. At night the kittens have to be captured and sealed in the kitchen, dining room compartment. This can take a long time and the Captain of the submarine can get quite ratty. The Captain goes to bed earlier than the First Mate and has been known to forget about the kittens and open the bedroom compartment to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. Kittens are waiting hopefully and dash in again - repeat performance.

Cooking anything in the kitchen compartment means you need to seal it up as the kittens believe in full participation in the cooking process. Bonnie likes to help with grilling by trying to jump in a red hot oven, Clyde is fond of sitting on the hot plates on top of the oven. Anything edible on the bench is licked all over. To eat your meal you have to seal yourself in the dining-room compartment as kittens like to sit on the table amongst the tableware and eat from your plate.

I get up early in the morning and sometimes forget to re-seal the bedroom compartment. The Captain of the submarine is woken up by kittens swinging on his ears and biting his toes. This results in a lot of shouting before the bedroom is re-sealed.

More about the submarine at a later date.

Copyright © Beverley Dunlop
March 1, 2003