Emily staring

Martha staring

Sophie staring

Cats stare. At us. They do it all the time. The English proverb, “a cat may look at a king” is true. The same way your cat or cats looks - and looks - and looks at you, and you wonder why they do it.

Here at Ailurophile Enterprises I’m the sole human staff member, so I've been stared at many times. Often I've glanced away from the computer and met the steady, fixed gaze of co-workers Martha, Sophie or Emily. And I've come to a conclusion about why I’m the most fascinating furniture in the office.

Cats like to do research on human behaviour. But it’s not for any sinister reason. They don't intend to wage a kitty coup. After all, we’re here to serve them, cater to them, provide them with everything they need. They want us around! It’s partly because cats are naturally curious creatures. (You know what they say that curiosity did to one of them!)

We fascinate cats. We do stupid things. Compared to them, we’re clumsy clods. We amuse them. And if we begin to bore them, they walk away, or curl up and sleep.

Another reason that cats research humans is to gain control of us. How best to steer us to the food dish for a refill? To get us to open the door to a room they want to occupy?

Here's an example of cats manipulating humans through research. Martha and Sophie get sudden urges for human affection. They've watched me constantly staring at the computer screen. So they jump up directly in front of it, arch their backs, and make tiny squeaky noises while staring straight into my face from inches away. You have a cat, or more than one. Can you resist this strategy? I know I can’t. All hope of work is abandoned. Scritch, scritch. Purr.

Perhaps you've tried a counter-strategy. You stare back at your cat. This doesn't work. A cat is well equipped for staring. Those huge, wide-open eyes will defeat you every time. The best you can do is make your cat squint. Cats often squint as a sign of affection, so you should squint back. This is a bonus, because you and your cat have exchanged affectionate glances. But you haven't won.

You never will win a staring contest with a cat. Never. Trust me.

Copyright © Bobcat
November 15, 2005