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| 16. | Goes from 22 hours of happy-go-lucky, kittenish sleep per day to 21 hours of restless, fitful sleep per day. |
| 15. | All he wants to do is watch "Catlock." |
| 14. | Tries to cash in her 8th life insurance policy for a kilo of catnip. |
| 13. | Last year: Went a-courtin' carrying a "pencil full o' lead." This year: Goes a-courtin' carrying a 9 Lives tuna casserole. |
| 12. | Bitches non-stop about the "bankrupt moral values of kittens these days." |
| 11. | Trades in his Whiskas for prune-flavored Whippasnappas. |
| 10. | "You call this catnip? Hell, I remember back in the '80s, I once scored some Meowie Wowie that would knock your friggin' claws off..." |
| 9. | Instead of shredding your drapes, she sub-contracts the job. |
| 8. | He demands breakfast in bed. |
| 7. | When you strap a piece of buttered toast to her back and drop her, she lands on her hip. |
| 6. | Stops leaving dead mice on doormats; starts leaving bingo cards. |
| 5. | Spends all day on the front porch, yelling at the squirrels to get the hell out of his yard. |
| 4. | Occasionally forgets to ignore you. |
| 3. | Instead of swaggering up to you and dropping dead mice at your feet, he drives up in his Rascal and pulls them out of the saddlebag. |
| 2. | Has to drink a whole bottle of Rogaine just to cough up one hairball. |
| 1. | While his younger friends are out chasing mice, he claims a moral victory in catching the elusive dust bunny. |
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