Schroedy
Helen Simmons is a fosterer for PACT, an animal welfare organisation in the south of England. She is a regular contributor to the rec.pets.cats.anecdotes Internet newsgroup, and the other members of the group grieved with her when her foster kitten, Schroedinger, died very young. Vicky Chapman, another member of the newsgroup, wrote this beautiful story to comfort Helen. I hope that it is a comfort and a joy to all who read it, especially all those dedicated CP fosterers who know the pain of losing a foster kitten or cat, but nevertheless are still prepared to take the risks with the joys. Vicky and Helen have kindly given permission for this story to be printed."Why did Schroedinger have to go so early?" asked Helen.
Because his business here in this incarnation was done - he captured your heart. He ran back to Rainbow Bridge to share this special prize with all those other kitties who never knew what life with humans can be. I can almost see him in the kitty playground, carefully taking that bit of your heart out of his secret pocket, gently handling it like precious jewel, and showing it proudly to his friends, who stare back in awe.
"This," he says, with his chest all puffed out in pride, "is the bit of human heart that I captured. Isn't it bright, and shiny? Look at it sparkle, look at it glow. Feel its’ warmth, feel the love.
Many of the other pets at Rainbow Bridge immediately recognised that what Schroedinger had was part of a Human Heart. They recognised its look and its glow, and although they knew it was beautiful and good and warm and loving, they knew it wasn't quite as good as their very own human heart that they already had. The pets that had stolen their own sparkly thing hugged their own secret pockets, and went to spend some time reflecting quietly about their own human who would be joining them one day.
But other kitties, having never seen such a precious thing before, gathered around, sighing in awe and wonder. They gazed at it intently, with just a hint of jealousy, but mainly with the kind of wistful feeling you have when you are happy your friend has won the lottery.
A hush fills the meadow - the soft, warm glow of Helen's heart more than fills their ears, their eyes, their very souls. No-one speaks for what seems an eternity. Eventually, a small voice comes from the back. It’s a little kitten, a marmalade coloured boy. "But how do I get one" he asks, in kittenly innocence. The older cats are aghast at his brazen lack of reverence for this most magnificent thing that Schroedinger holds in his paw, but quickly see that there is no malice in this little kitty's question. Most of them wouldn't admit even to themselves that was the very same question that was written on their own soul.
Schroedinger smiles a wise, slightly cheeky, little smile. "I'll tell you the secret," Schroedinger whispers. Even the older cats move in a little, afraid that they may be seen by other cats actually caring about this sort of thing - they had spent so long pretending not to care, the habit was hard to break. "It’s as easy as breathing" Schroedinger announced. The old Tom, who had been at the Bridge for as long as anyone could remember, snorted . "Rubbish, nothing is that easy" he blustered. "Ah," smiled Schroedinger, "there is a bit of trick, though". The old Tom raised what was left of his eyebrow.
"You have to go back down there", said Schroedinger as he pointed back down to Planet Earth, "That's the only place we know of where you can find these most precious things. There are so many different sorts, and they all have their own unique glow and sparkle, but they are all just as beautiful in their own way. This bit is just a chip, you see, a tiny, tiny grain of the heart of Helen, and its sparkle is the most precious thing I have, its sparkle is the most beautiful of all I've seen, although I know each one of you will have your own, as special to you as this one is to me. You can find your own down there, and it will be whole and sparkle and shine and glow so much more than this tiny, tiny piece, but ..... you'll have to go back, and risk being hurt again."
Old Tom smiled his crooked smile, and said very, very quietly "I never knew that it could be that good" as he put his first paw on the Bridge. "Perhaps this time..." and he vanished.
Schroedinger waved a paw to the departed tom, and carefully replaced the grain of Helen's heart that he kept next to his own heart. As the crowd of pets dissipated, Schroedinger hugged his Heart of Helen, and happily trotted off to the Butterfly Chasing Field to wait for that little grain to be reunited with the much bigger, more sparkly, part. And down on earth, a little kitten, perhaps Old Tom, mewed softly at the great bright sparkly light of Human Heart he could feel in the hands that gently picked him out of the skip bin. He was breathing, and already sensed that somehow, this Human Heart would be his.
"Hey, that's mine!" squeaked Schroedinger to the new kitty.
Emmy just mewed. She was all too confused about this new place, the other new place, and the new place before that. She wished she could just go back to that warm dark place where all was safe.
Schroedinger fluffed himself up and went to sort this new upstart out. She had something that he knew was his, and wanted it back. It was the most precious thing he had ever owned - had ever wanted to own, and he would make sure that it stayed with him always, right next to that secret soft spot all cats have.
Emmy mewed even more at the look of this scary creature coming towards her. She thought it wasn't fair. She had managed to snatch a speck of the sweetest softest most purest light in the small time she had with the Nice Lady, and now this big bully was going to take away even that.
She clutched the shard of Helen's Heart close to her own, drawing courage from it the way Helen drew courage from the deepest depths of her own soul to help the helpless. "Like me", Emmy thought.
With the the strength of the Nice Lady to help her, Emmy decided to stand her ground. The Nice Lady had sacrificed this bit of her heart just for Emmy, had paid for it in tears, and would always feel a hole right *there*, every time she thought of the wee little kitty. This was *not* something given away lightly - it was the most precious gift of all.
Emmy puffed up as good as she could. She arched her back. She hissed the biggest hissspits her little lungs could make.
"Its mine!!!!" she screamed at Schroedinger "Get your own".
Schroedinger was taken aback to say the least. Who knew that this wee small girl could be so feisty, so tough, so... so much like him.
But he knew deep in his soul that we she had was his, it looked the same, it glittered the same, it shone the same, it even *smelt* the same. Surely this little upstart kitten had stolen his Heart of Helen, and he was so upset, so angry, so, so...... empty without it.
All of a sudden, Schroedinger's anger broke into a flood of tears. He treasured the Heart of Helen more than anything else in the world, the universe, but he was a big strong tough kitty, and there was this tiny small little ball, who would have never have known the Heart of Helen at all.
He thought for a long while as he washed himself meticulously just as Mama had taught him to do if he needed to think hard.
Emmy stayed alert and on guard. No one was stealing her Heart of Helen for anything.
Schroedinger finally reached a conclusion. Perhaps he could share his Heart of Helen with this new kitty. Stealing hearts was not a common thing at Rainbow Bridge, and clearly this new kitty must have had a really good reason.
"Sorry, I scared you, little kitty," started Schroedinger...
"Emmy" she demanded.
"Sorry I scared you, *Emmy*," Schroedinger repeated, again admiring the spunk of the girl, "but it seems you have something of mine that is so precious to me. It was a gift to me, you see, and its all I have of someone I love".
Emmy may have been young, but she knew which side of the saucer has milk. He spoke the truth, and all that gruff and scaryness was just him hiding his hurt. "Just like me" she thought.
"I can't give it up entirely," he continued, "but I would really like to share it with you. I'm sure Helen wouldn't mind.
Emmy thought for a moment. The name "Helen" sounded a lot like the Nice Lady that had her given her this most precious shard. She didn't want to give it up either, but could see that this other cat desperately needed what the Nice Lady had given her. After a deep washing of contemplation, she reluctantly agreed.
She could see the look of utter relief on the other cat's face, and she thought that the Nice Lady would be proud of her. The Nice Lady had been so wonderful and kind and sharing, that perhaps her own sharing could somehow repay the Nice lady a little.
With a full load of trust, but with just a hint of sadness, Emmy held out her shard of Helen Heart to Schroedinger.
"Thanks", said Schroedinger, as he took the shard, "You don't know what it means to me".
But Emmy thought she did know, although she wasn't going to tell.
"Oh, and by the way, my name is Schroedinger, and if you need someone to show you around, I'd be happy to be your friend. After all, we are sharing the most precious thing of all".
Emmy mewed in relief, and playfully licked Schroedinger's ear.
Schroedinger tried to stifled a giggle, because he still wanted to impress his new friend with how grown up and big and strong and tough he was. But Emmy heard it anyway.
After being introduced to all the creatures at the Bridge, and a nice long nap in the soft fragrant heather, Schroedinger thought it was about time Emmy held the Heart of Helen again. But as he went to give back the shard, he noticed something a little odd about it.
He sniffed it, he pawed at it, and even snorted at it. Something was.... different.
"What's up, Schroe Bro," As Emmy now called him, "Human got your tongue?" she teased.
There was something not, not, oh, he couldn't put his paw on it, but there as something peculiar going on. His whiskers itched in confirmation.
Still confused, he offered it to back to his new friend, who also stared at intently.
"Hey look", she said, "if you get the right angle, you can see other cat's faces in it".
"Yeah, I know, they're the cats that shared Helen's Heart before me. Everybody she loves changes her heart slightly, and when we steal a part of heart when we come here, we take the memories of all the ones that have written their own place on her heart."
"Then how come I can see you here?" Emmy asked in confusion.
Schroedinger came shoulder to shoulder with Emmy to prove he wouldn't be caught by any more of her teasing.
"Don't be silly, you must be seeing......." and his voice trailed off. There indeed was his handsome face, clear as crystal, shining out for the whole of The Bridge to see. And there was another face he didn't recognize as well.
"I'm. I'm so sorry," he stammered, "this isn't my Heart of Helen after all. I just loved her so much, I couldn't bear to think that I had lost mine... and there you were, with a Heart of Helen too and I just....."
Emmy playfully boxed him around the ears. "That's for being a doofus" she giggled.
Schroedinger apologised "Thank you for sharing it with me anyway, even though I had no right to ask you".
"S'Ok", Emmy smiled, "and stop being so grumpy. Lets find *your* piece of Helen's Heart".
"Sounds good".
"Have you checked that secret soft spot?"
"Of Course".
"You sure?"
"Yes".
"Really sure?".
Schroedinger groaned. Emmy was starting to sound like Mamakitty.
"Absolutely sure?"
"Mind if I check?" Emmy blurted as she jumped Schroedinger in a playful wrestle.
"Geroff!"
After another friendly wrestle, and Schroedinger being forced to *show* his secret soft spot to Emmy just to make absolutely certain it wasn't with him, they started hunting for Schroedinger's heart of Helen at Rainbow Bridge. Emmy enjoyed herself a bit too much, Schroedinger thought, for such a serious mission, but this was the first time Emmy had hunted for *anything* and she thought it was a great adventure.
After hunting high and low, and eventually splitting up to cover more ground, they were all out of luck. Until, all of a sudden they both nearly shouted at each other "The Shard!!!!!".
They both held on and used one piece of Helen's heart to find another. Eventually they were lead to a little used grove right at the edge of Rainbow Bridge, where the heather grew deeper and the grass was too thick and long to run through. And using their instincts and the shard, the found, under the deep grass and soft heather.
A tiny tiny little kitten curled around Schroedinger's Heart of Helen. Schroedinger thought his face looked oddly familiar.
"That's the other cat in the shard!" Schroedinger exclaimed. That's, M, my sister" Emmy corrected.
"Oh," said Schroedinger, all serious again, "She's so young".
M opened a sleepy eye and mewed. Emmy was so pleased to see her and gave her a good bath all over. (Schroedinger helped with the missed bits).
Emmy and Schroedinger explained all that had happened to little M, the great confusion, the big adventure, and what had drawn them to this spot.
"This?" M said as she picked up Schroedinger's Heart of Helen. "I was just drawn to it, something in *here*," he gestured to his heart, "something inside just ached for me come here."
And indeed, when she stretched out to give back the missing Heart of Helen, Emmy and Schroedinger could just make out the shiny white brilliance of another Heart of Helen glowing out from M's secret soft spot.
"You know what I'm thinking?" asked Emmy.
"I think so!" replied Schroedinger, again amazed at how this little go was so much like himself. "Let's Go!"
And together with little M, they set about to find all the other cats that shone out in the reflections of the Heart of Helen.
In Loving Memory of Schroedinger Copyright © Vicky Chapman,
for Helen Simmons
 |  |  |