My sweet baby Shadow
asleep on our down comforter

Shadow was 1 day old when I first saw him. His Momma gave birth under a bag of wool in my neighbors sheep barn... I would take my kids down to see him every day. There was never any doubt which kitten I wanted, the gray velvet one was it. I brought him home when he was 6 weeks old, I still remember him sitting on the floor, no taller than my ankle and meowing up at me and I wondered what in the world I was going to do with so small a creature.

Shadow grew into a handsome muscular cat, so active and sleek and loving. He thought my son, who was only 1.5 years older than him was his litter mate and pretty much bullied him.

Shadow was so fast in his youth, and stayed that way until the last few years.... but even up to 3 weeks ago he'd attack and play with things.... he was my best cuddler, my lap fungus, my security blanket when I was sad and my dancing partner when I was joyful.

Shadows kidneys failed, and he was put to sleep on Saturday after attempts to build him back up proved futile. The vet recommended we choose that option because he thought he was in pain, and I loved him so much, as much as I wanted to get to tell him goodbye, one last time, I could not allow him to suffer just to make myself feel better.

I was so blessed to have 17 years with him, such a precious creature, so sweet and loving.

My husband built a pine box and buried him in the spot that will be my rose garden. He put a lily in the box with him. He is such a kind man to think to do that. I feel so guilty for not being here, but if I had been I don't think I would have been brave enough to make the decision that needed to be made even though I told my husband to do whatever the vet recommended. At least he isn't suffering anymore and his tired little body is at rest.

I can't imagine what tonight will be like not having him in bed with me curled up in my arm.... I miss him, I loved him so much... and he returned that love.

Hold all your kitties really tight tonight, and if anyone has a gray kitty, would you please kiss him on the head and tell him you love him for me. I know he knew I did, I just wish I could have gotten to tell him one more time.

In Loving Memory of Shadow

Copyright © Marcia Newell
July 4, 2001