We went and bought some pleated shades (accordion type shades kinda like venetian blinds but without the openings between slats) for the computer room and living room windows. After the shades were installed and were fully inspected by the fur-patrol, I had this conversation with Bob (appointed go between) about the shades...

Bob: "Mom, we need to talk about these shades."
Mom: "You are a cat, you can't talk."
Bob: "The devil is in the details, just pay attention."
Mom: "OK, what about the shades?"
Bob: "Well, Mom, you need to keep them up at all times."
Mom: "No, Bob. We bought the shades because we wanted privacy and want to run around the house naked... keeping them open defeats the purpose, why would I do that?"
Bob: "Because we can't sit in the window and look out anymore if they are down."
Mom: "Tough! You guys break the 'only-one-cat-at-a-time-in-the-window' rule anyway. You can look out the bedroom window, there isn't a shade there."
Bob: "We don't follow rules and there are no trees outside the bedroom window."
Mom: "And what do trees have to do with the price of kibble in China?"
Bob: "Birds sit in trees. We like to watch birds."
Mom: "You like to watch air molecules. And if you like to watch birds so much, why do you spend 99% of your life on the bed? There are no birds in the bedroom."
Bob: "You are missing the point, Mom."
Mom: "And the point is....?"
Bob: "You have to keep the shades up all the time."
Mom: "No. The shades will stay down. I'm not going to discuss this with you any longer. I am THE MOM and I am bigger than you and I feed you so I make the decisions, not you."
Bob: "Dad feeds us."
Mom: "And since I am THE MOM, I have the power to tell Dad to not feed you."
Bob: "Dad doesn't have to do what you say."
Mom: "If he knows what's good for him, he does."
Bob: "Why didn't you get venetian blinds? We can crawl through venetian blinds."
Mom: "Because you crawl through venetian blinds and break them, that's why."
Bob: "So?"
Mom: "No more discussion, fur-face. The blinds stay down. Case closed."
Bob: "Well, OK. But we're going to have to pee in your shoes."
Mom: "Bad cat."
Bob: "Yep. Bye." [walks away]

Copyright © Stacey Sharpe
February 13, 2000