Smudge and Peepers, are two years old now and I take them to the Vet twice a year. In midwinter we go for a checkup and any shots that may be needed and the one near their birthday in August, just as a Well Kitty Examination.

I told Smudge the night before that she was going to the vet the next day. From the events that followed the next morning, I fear she understood what I said (and she hates the vet).

I got up at 6:00AM as per usual and opened the balcony doors so that both cats can go out look around then come in and bother me.

Usually the one that comes in first is Smudge, who pesters me to hurry up and get breakfast ready because she's starving. She isn't really starving but she can certainly put on a good act that way. She did go out on the balcony and roll around on the concrete as per usual then life got strange. Instead of coming in and pestering me within 30 seconds to a minute, when she came in she tore through the living room and hid under the bed. Peepers meanwhile is checking the neighbors windows to see if any one is getting up (he is sometimes referred to as my Peeping Tom), nothing unusual there.

I go ahead and get the canned cat food out and put it in their bowls (strangely I'm not being bothered by either cat, especially Smudge - my food hog). I refill the dry food bowl but still no cat - they should have both been here before this. I refill their water bowl with fresh cold water and still not a cat to be seen. I put all the bowls out and where are those cats?

At this point, I try the clucking sound that I often do for the evening meal and still nothing. I go to the balcony door and try clucking at Peepers he very slowly saunters in and strolls past and strolls over to his sisters bowl and starts eating. Now Peepers usually gallops to me for petting when I appear at the door and then races to the platform on the scratching post for even more petting before he goes off to eat or try to get me to go the his toy closet (actually the hall coat closet where I put toys that need me to be on one end to be used are kept).

Still no Smudge. I go to the bedroom and see her staring out from under the foot of the bed and so I cluck at her and instead of charging out she goes deep under the bed and hides. I am now thinking that it is a good thing that I am taking them to the vet today as she is acting sick. Nothing I do will coax her out.

I go back to the living room and Peepers is a little over halfway through her bowl of food and is switching to his own bowl. This is definitely weird, as it is usually Smudge who will often get to both bowls first.

I sit down to read the newspaper. After an hour and a half, just before I am ready to dump the food left in the bowls by Peepers (even when first and allowed plenty of time he still really ate only a little under his allotted share quite unlike his sister that way), Smudge appears and starts to eat. She finishes her bowl and starts on the larger amount Peepers left in his own bowl.

Peepers is curled on top of the scratching post platform with head down and belly up trying to entice me over to pet and scratch him. (It is safe to scratch or pet is belly as it is with Smudge, both allow belly contact without taking your hand off). I give him a quick scritch and then decide it is time to get the carrier ready.

The "CARRIER" is normally taken apart by me when I get back from a trip so that my cats will use it as a cat bed (theory - practice is it is a nice spot from which to attack toys and Larry). I reach for the Carrier cum bed and start to pick it up. There is an explosion of noise behind me.

I turned around to see what was going on. I see my two cats tearing out of the living run as fast as I have ever seen them move racing for the bedroom. Smudge was leading after having knocked over the dry food bowl and Peepers had launched himself off of the platform and somehow landed on the food that Smudge had strewn causing the kibble to really fly. I decided to leave the mess and get on with putting the carrier together.

After about ten minutes of getting the Carrier parts ready to be put together, I look up and see just Peepers head looking back at me. I wave and say, "Hi Peepers", I didn't get any further as he turned and ran back to the bedroom, I guess to tell Smudge what was going on. I had just finished putting it together and looked up and there's Peepers again just his head and he is backing away from the entry.

He appeared a few more times over the next hour and a half, but never entered the living room as soon as he saw the Carrier he froze backed away and then raced back into the bedroom to keep my well hidden Smudge updated on the horrible cat eating monster that Larry had set up in the living room.

The appointment was at 10:00AM and I had to be out by 9:30AM to be sure of making all bus connections to get to the vet on time.

So at shortly after 9:00AM, I struck. I attacked Peepers first using his weakness, he absolutely loves to play and will risk life and limb to do so. I got the Cat Dancer out, I tried to get him to play for 5 minutes and I couldn't believe he wouldn't come out. So I rethought it and got out his current favorite, a feather on a string and wand. He came out slowly, afraid that he was going to be grabbed but this was HIS TOY, he HAD to PLAY. I played with him for a couple of minutes and finally struck. I picked him up and put him into the "Monster that eats cats". He fought but even with his crying and clawing, he was going to stay. It was 9:12AM.

I tried to tempt Smudge the same way but she wouldn't play, I guess the sounds of Peepers meowing in the living room was warning her of what was up. Almost 9:20 and no Smudge in the Carrier. There was only one thing left, BRUTE FORCE! I picked up the mattress and there was Smudge, cowering dead center under the bed. I reached down and poked her on the backside through the slats to herd her out from under the bed and surprisingly it worked easily. She tried to race by me, but I did get ahold of her. Now this is a cat that doesn't like to be held under the best of conditions, somehow I managed to get and hold her in a manner that got me only a few scratches.

I quickly got her in the Carrier with Peepers and managed to get her in and prevent and attempted escape by Peepers. I think I grew three extra hands at this point but can't find any evidence for that. The noise in the Carrier grew really loud now with the two of them feeding each others fright. Smudge attacked the wire door then tried the look mechanism but fortunately she doesn't have thumbs. It was 9:24AM and I picked up the Carrier and hurried to the elevator and waited for it to come. It felt like a waited and waited and waited but it was only 9:28AM when I hit the street and saw the bus I wanted going the other way. This was a good sign as I am near the end of the line and with a wait he would be back in less than ten minutes. Got down to King St and transferred to the Streetcar going past the vets.

Made it in plenty of time but those cats were certainly not done. The examination went reasonably well, with only one minor incident caused by Smudge when she emptied her anal glands necessitating that the examining counter be cleaned. Can they do that deliberately or was that really an accident on Smudge's part? When we got home, I quickly found out I wasn't to be unpunished.

I let them out and they tore back into the bedroom. I sat down and proceeded to take apart the Carrier. Peepers, bless his soft heart, can't keep a grudge and came out to see me about an hour after we got back. Smudge was holding out for a longer punishment and wouldn't allow me near her for the rest of the day but at least this morning she was ready to let me pet her and go back to her usual nice if bossy self.

Cats are nice but they can certainly make your life difficult at times especially when travel and veterinarians are involved.

Copyright © Larry Osborne
September 2, 2000