Jasper and I were cuddled on the bed, about to go to sleep. Jasper gets this positively dreamy look, half-smiles, sloooooowly closes his eyes like a blinky-kiss, and curls one front paw like he does when he wants to "hold hands" on my finger. The paw curls up slowly, and he holds it momentarily. As he opens the paw back up, he also opens his eyes again. I am thinking "he has to be the cutest sweetest boy on earth," and bend my head a bit to nuzzle him. And then I smell it. He had farted the foulest catfart ever known. That look of absolute bliss was the look of a contented boy letting one rip. I had to leave my room due to toxicity. He followed me out.
The snow has started. It is coming down in big white fluffy flakes, and the ground is covered with about 2". Calvin has never seen snow and is quite intrigued. He climbs up on the bookshelf, about 3 feet from the window and watches the snowflakes fall. He begins the bird-chitter so I look up from what I am doing expecting to see the woodpecker who hangs around in the tree outside. No birds to be seen. Calvin is still chittering and staring intently. I watch his eyes. He is following snowflakes as they fall, and chittering at them. He jumps onto the windowsill and keeps chittering. Suddenly he is pouncing all around the sill, chasing individual flakes, standing on his back feet and trying to catch them with his paws... through the window. All the while, he chitters.
It is still snowing. All three boys are fascinated by the white stuff. So I lift them, one by one, into the bedroom window and place them on the sill, because heaven forbid they should have to jump the whole four feet to get up there themselves! When all 3 boys are lined up standing on the windowsill, Jasper is in front, then Calvin, then Sam. Calvin glances at Jasper's butt, which is right in his face, lowers his head and headbutts him. Literally. Jasper was not amused.
This one is an older story but funny nonetheless.
Census was being taken. For my own personal reasons I do not participate. They can have the info that I am female and my race and age and that is all. Having everything down to what kind of tampons I use all in a master database with my address scares me. I have an ex who threatened my life and is not allowed to know where I am. Hence the paranoia. Anyway, the census worker has knocked on my door a few times in as many days, each time getting no answer. Finally one day, I look out the peephole, see it is her, and stand there waiting for her to go away, just like the other days. Jasper decides to "help" by standing up on his back feet, and slooooooowly scratching his front claws down the inside of the door, meanwhile saying "OW. OW. OW." in his very human-baby-sounding voice. The census lady just about peed her pants and started banging on the door "Hello? Hello? Are you ok? Is anyone there? Hello????" Jasper repeats his performance. From the outside it must sound like an injured person scratching at the door and saying "OW." Sam joins in with his whiny little cry that is the saddest human-baby sounding cry "weeeeeaaaaaaahhhh".
The woman left and never came back. 
Copyright © Aim
January 31, 2002
