"Um, Snowball?" the little tabby pulled at the great white cat’s robes. "I, uh, I know that I'm supposed to be patient and stuff, but I've been up here for a long time and its almost Christmas; when am I going to get my wings?" Snowball glanced down at the meek kitten by her side. "It will be soon, Belle, if you can complete the task I am about to assign to you. Do you see that gray tabby there? The one with the red collar?"

"Yes, she doesn't look happy, though."

"That’s because she isn't, Belle dear. A lot of bad things have happened to that poor cat, and she is thinking of curling into a ball and giving up."

"But, Snowball, she looks healthy, well cared for. What could she have to be sad about?"

"Oh, you sweet kitten. There is more to life than catnip and toy mice! But, you will have to go down and learn for yourself what Katie’s problem is, and then find a way to show her the true meaning of Christmas. Only then can you receive your wings. Remember, your task must be completed by 11:59 Christmas Eve."

And so, with a great swish of her magical tail and a twitching of her angel whiskers, Snowball sent Belle to earth, and to Katie. The first thing that Belle learned on her trip to the big blue rock, was that contrary to popular belief, cats do not always land on their feet and she hit the ground, somewhat softly, with her backend first.

Katie was too busy hissing at all the humans to even notice the cute brown tabby that dropped from the sky. Wow, she really is an angry cat, Belle thought to herself, this task might be harder than I originally thought.

"Ahem, um, hello, Katie!" Belle mewed, looking more at the ground than at Katie. Katie whirled around and her tail grew two sizes larger. "Who are you?" she hissed.

"My name is, um, well, my name is Belle. I'm here to help you."

"Help me? Who do you think you are? My fairy Catmother?"

"I… No. What’s a fairy Catmother? I'm an angel. I'm your angel. Your, uh, guardian angel."

"Ha! If you're an angel, then where are your wings?"

"Well, that’s just it. I'm trying to get my wings."

"Purrrfect. I can't even get a real angel! Ok, well, if you really want me to believe that you're an angel, you're going to have to prove it to me somehow."

"How? I can make it snow, or make a catnip plant appear."

"Not a plant. I want a catnip mouse."

Belle shrugged and swished her tail. In front of Katie appeared a catnip mouse the size of a rabbit.

"Not bad. But I'm still not sure if I believe you. How are you supposed to be helping me? I already have food and water and a bed. I have toys and a scratching post and catnip. What can you do that my humans haven't?"

"First, Katie, I need to know what’s wrong with you."

"Some angel! You don't even know what’s wrong? Aren't angels supposed to see everything?"

Belle sighed, "Well, you see, part of my job is to get involved with my clients. It’s a joke. You were supposed to laugh."

"Sorry, kid. I'm not the laughing sort."

"You will be when I get through with you. Now, lets go get some catnip and milk, and you can tell me what’s wrong."

"Fine, we'll go to Whiskers’ Tavern. They have the best catnip around and serve only whole milk. You can even get cream there, if you're cat enough."

The two cats walked to the corner and entered the Tavern. Katie ordered bowls of warm milk for both of them and found a place to sit as far away from the Christmas tree as possible.

"I can't believe even this place decorated for this horrid holiday."

"Why do you hate Christmas, Katie?"

"It’s a long story, are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Of course I do. It’s my job and besides, I'm starting to like you despite yourself. Uh, that was another joke."

"Sorry, Belle. Ha. Ha. Better?"

Belle looked into Katie’s yellow eyes, and gently touched the side of Katie’s face with her paw. "Tell me, Katie. I want to help."

"Ok, ok. I got my humans when I was just a kitten and my favorite was a small human, about the size of a large dog. Her name is Hannah. We got big together, but she doesn't love me anymore. We used to sit for hours, I would snuggle in her lap and she would pet me and I would purr. She would throw my toy mouse for me, and I'd go get it and bring it back to her. She even told her friends how I was the only cat who played fetch! We slept in the same bed and she’s share her dinner with me when her parents weren't looking."

"That sounds wonderful, Katie. I don't understand."

"You will. Hannah left me. She just disappeared one day. She had been getting more and more distant from me, but I never thought she would leave me. I hear her parents talking to her on that noisy contraption, sometimes, but I haven't seen her in ages. Her parents still take excellent care of me, but it’s not the same. If I can't be with Hannah, I don't want to be. And now, at Christmas, it’s worse than ever."

Katie laughed, a short and bittersweet laugh, "She used to tear open her presents and then blame it on me. I didn't mind; it was worth it to see the joy on her face. I'd climb the Christmas tree just to see her laugh. Every Christmas Eve Hannah would lie on her back underneath the tree and I would lie on her chest and we would stay like that for hours just smelling the pine and watching the twinkling lights. Then just before bed, she'd sneak me some of Santa’s milk."

Katie stopped talking to wipe a tear away. "So you see, there’s just no reason for me to be here without Hannah. I don't matter any more and Mom and Dad would be happier if they didn't have me to take care of. I no longer make a difference, Belle, and angel or not I don't see how you can change that. I just wish I had never been born." Belle’s head flew up, her eyes wide. That was it! She could show Katie what the world would be like had she never been born! Katie would see what a wonderful difference she had made and was continuing to make just by being alive.

"Do you really wish you had never been born, Katie?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then say it one more time, and I will make it so."

"I wish I had never been born."

The snow stopped falling, the sky grew dark and the clocks stopped. All grew quiet as, with a swish of her tail and twitch of her whiskers, Belle erased Katie from everyone’s memories. Katie was still there, but she had never existed.

"It didn't work, Belle, I'm still here. See me?"

"Oh? Then go ask the bartender who you are."

"Fine, I will."

Katie walked up to the bar, "Hey, Whiskers, what’s my name?"

"How am I supposed to know your name? I've never seen you before in my life!"

Katie walked back to Belle, shocked. "I want to show you one thing before we go see how your humans have fared without you."

A few minutes later, they were standing in the graveyard.

"Look at the name on the stone, Katie."

"It… It says, Hannah Elizabeth Sloane: 1981-1997. H-how can it be? Not Hannah!"

"Yes, Hannah. Without your love and company, she became lonely and depressed. She committed suicide when she was sixteen years old, Katie. She didn't believe anyone loved her."

"But, I loved her!"

"You weren't there, Katie. Remember? You were never born."

Katie released a loud, mournful meow. "Come on, Katie. I have more to show you. We're going to the Sloane house."

The two cats walked out of the cemetery and Belle turn toward the poor side of town. "This is the wrong direction, Angel Cat."

"Well, its good to see you're getting your old sarcasm back. But, this is the right direction, I'm sorry to say."

They arrived at the Sloane house and peaked through the windows. Mr. Sloane was sitting on the sofa. He had lost weight, and looked sickly. Mrs. Sloane was staring out the window, never budging.

"What happened to them?"

"When Hannah died, Mrs. Sloane lost all hope. She has moved from that window in years. She is convinced that Hannah is not really dead. That she'll return. Mr. Sloane lost his job; he couldn't concentrate on anything. They both blame themselves. If they had loved Hannah more, if they had done this or done that, it wouldn't have happened."

"But, nobody loved Hannah more than her parents, except for me! It couldn't have been their fault."

"Oh, but dear Katie, nothing is quite as special as a faithful friend. Not even parents."

"They… they don't even have a Christmas tree!"

"Dear Katie, there is no furry little kitten to climb one."

"I can't watch this anymore!"

Together, they strolled back to the tavern. Katie was quietly thinking over all she had seen and heard. When they arrived back at Whiskers’, she turned to Belle, "I want things to go back to how they were!"

"Katie, you wished to not be born. It may not be so easy to go back."

"Oh, but I'll be happy just to know that Hannah is alive and happy! I don't need her to be home, I don't need her to love me! I just want her to be safe, and I just want Mom and Dad to be happy again. I'll bat the ornaments around for them; I'll chase my toy mice. I'll do everything right, just let me go back!!"

"Just remember, Katie. When you hear a bell ring that means an angel has gotten her wings. And its my turn this Christmas. Make a bell ring for me, Katie." Belle swished her tail one last time and disappeared."

Katie woke up snuggled in front of the fire. What a strange dream, Katie thought to herself. Wonder what woke me up? Suddenly she smelled vanilla. She only knew one human who smelled like that, Hannah. Hannah? It couldn't be! Katie jumped up and ran to the door where she was scooped up into the most loving arms in the whole world.

"I brought you some gifts, Katie."

"Mew! Purrrrr!"

Hannah put a small, cat-sized Santa hat on Katie’s head and fastened a Christmas collar around her neck. Katie kissed Hannah and jumped down to go tell Belle before she remembered that Belle was gone. She looked down to admire her new collar and saw a pretty gold bell. Remembering Belle’s final words, Katie shook her head as hard as she could and said a heartfelt prayer that the pretty brown tabby got her wings.

As Katie turned to visit with Hannah, she heard a very soft Thank You, Katie as a pure white feather floated down from the top of the Christmas tree.

Copyright © Christie-mas in 39days. 2001. All rights reserved.

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